Being on the road...

“But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in” ― Junot Díaz

This is the one quote that I came across that I believe is the right dose of motivation to me as of now. I have never seen my life as anything but life itself; crazy statement right? You may be thinking what an obvious statement. So I want to ask you to think about your life right now and see if there is life in it? Besides work or studies, money or fashion; how much is there to your life? If you live with your family then that is one lucky part of your life but besides that, what is there? Do you spend time with yourself perhaps sitting in silence by the beach watching a sunset or treating yourself to a special meal on an achievement or writing your journal? I mean anything that isn’t ‘routine’; do you do it? I keep travelling alone and even living alone so I am quite used to having meals alone like I did in Dubai, visiting places alone like exploring Mauritius (although I found a batch of amazing brothers) or now even Dar es Salaam. I can say that Dubai was a killer for me. I went to Dubai mall and saw families and friends having the ‘time of their life’ together and here I was all alone and there were people like me as well, all alone; but guess what; nobody sees this part of my life. Many people tell me they would love to have my life and I am lucky; indeed I am blessed but being on the road or being a frequent traveler has its challenges and today I want to express this part of my life to you all…

I was hired to do photography for a conference organized by Oracle in Mauritius. At that time, it was a great opportunity for me not only because the amount of cash I was getting but also from a learning perspective, it was great. It was an HR conference and I learnt about what companies look for when they hire, what creates an HR’s certain perception towards an individual such as time management, dressing, tattoos, etc. in that session, I learnt way more than what my degree lectures were teaching me. During lunch time, I walked up to the speaker and mentioned how lucky he was to be living such a life where he travels the world, spends half of the time at airports and hotels; earns from something people pay for. I will never be able to forget his reply to me which today is a live realistic visual for me because I am living that life in a way all though I am not yet at that level of travelling. He said ‘I travel because of work. Whether I am at an airport or hotel, I am working. Look, right there is the beach and look at those half naked people who are enjoying the sun; and then see me; wearing a suit in this heat delivering a lecture, not so lucky am I?’ My work travel trip to Zanzibar is a clear mirror image of his statement.

The obvious thing we miss being on the road is family. A friend this morning asked ‘you miss the food your mother cooks?’ Such an obvious answer to that question, isn’t it? YES! I miss it. I am particularly my momma’s boy because I am the only child and for her to send me away; well it’s only a 2 hour flight but still very far, not easy at all. I miss both my dad and my mom. Parents are unmeasurable treasures and blessings from He who is above all else. I can’t express the depth of love I have for them. To be honest, their value was reflected by my trips. Khalil Gibran said ‘love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation’. It were these trips that made me realize how important they are to my existence. I am so bloody happy and excited to be going to them in about 8 days’ time!!!! Never thought going to Uganda again would be so exciting. That country has given me love and pain together and I wanted a change which Shukar I got by moving to Dar es Salaam. I can’t explain how great an opportunity this is for me and I am grateful. Coming back to the point, #home T-8 days!!

I want to conclude this article by saying I am living a dream life and people I meet around all say ‘how lucky you are’. I guess just one thing missing and I am asking Him to give that to me. When I get her, it will be a complete Hollywood or Bollywood story of this young guy who gets a dream job at an airlines at a very high position and finds this amazing girl who he wouldn’t get otherwise and they face the world together. I don’t want it to be as dramatic as the movies though.

“Whatever he had found, it made him a better person. Maybe that's what love was, finding the person who brings out the best in you and eliminates

the worst.” ― Diana Holquist

Peace!

Champ!

Global Encounters

“global encounters”…I remember the first time I heard about the program, I did not even give it a thought because I thought it did not appeal to me at all or wasn’t related to me. I was way above the participant age criteria and too young and under qualified to be a facilitator. In 2014, when I was finishing my bachelors, my lil one; my sister got selected and said I should try as a facilitator. I sent in an email but I was too late as the deadline had passed but I made up my mind that day that I will apply next year. Today as I write this article, I am humbled to say that I did make it this year as a senior staff member or as a Mwalimu for those who have attended Global Encounters. I want to share with all of you, although I know words will not do justice…I want to share about a family of mine that has members from 19 countries!!

When people cry at the time of departing regardless of their age or nationality, then I think you can rightly say that they have been touched by each other’s souls. It feels like yesterday when I was travelling from Dar es Salaam to Mombasa for the camp. I remember that first day when I arrived and met a co-member of the team, I felt nothing to be honest and had no idea of what to expect. Slowly the entire team gathered together and that first day of meeting everyone was really very weird for me as an introvert. I am transforming as an individual but being an introvert is something that is naturally in built and I can’t and should not try to erase it. My first real friend from the team is more like an elder brother who I have come to respect and adore as a person. His stories are the most hilarious ones and I will never forget one statement of his… ‘Live in the present moment’! I feel he has a lot of thoughts that he doesn’t really voice or you could say on a positive note, he only voices the ones he feels need to be voiced. He and I went to the airport to pick up the Tajik group of participants. I remember how we were eating pizza and having tea when we suddenly realized that they had come out and WE RAN!!

The camp began as I mentioned without me expecting anything except what the Lord had to offer. The first week was spent with the volunteer team and I began learning about the people I am going to work with for the next 4 weeks as a team. I must say that we were a very talented team where by each individual had something to contribute. There were different elements in the team like different colors; we made quite a beautiful collage together. I made a slideshow out of the pictures I took in the first week and presented it on the closing of that first week…I received appreciation for it and that made me emotional because I felt I contributed; that to me is one of the most special feelings because you know that you are of value to the team and not just a result of a poor selection.

Participants arrived a week later. I helped check in the participants who arrived in the last batch; to be honest I enjoyed being at the check-in. we slept late and then it was kind of an early morning still and the day began with orientation and the camp had begun. I remember seeing everyone involved in all the different activities and I thought to myself ‘this is it…GE is finally on’. There is a saying that “the time of our life which we love the most, enjoy the most is certainly the fastest time of our life whereby you blink and it’s gone”. I can say this for GE. I don’t even re-call where all the time went. We went for a safari during the camp. We drove almost a full day to Amboseli, which is a national park in Kenya and stayed there for two nights. The second night was a very emotional one and I will just say that it is a memory that will be special to each individual present around that camp fire.

We then went to Nairobi, visited AKDN work and flew back to Mombasa. That flight back to Mombasa is also a very special memory because we were almost 90 in the same plane and one of the cabin crew even announced that whoever is GE, please raise your hand. It was a hilarious flight as well (Shadan, a young brother from camp knows why!!) I remember going to the office the following week sorting departure tickets and the lady at the counter told me ‘you are the GE guy right?’ J

The week after Safari was very fast and there were times when time took a pause as well. It was of course VERY emotional as well. We celebrated Imamat day together with the entire community of Mombasa as well as participants of the second camp. I will not try to put that feeling in to words!!

The last day was crazy... Serena hotel Mombasa… I made a slideshow with the help of Asma and Shadan who sorted photos for me…just as the slideshow was ready, my laptop shut down and the work wasn’t saved so I had to do it again :/ but as my MD had earlier told me that ‘during GE, there is an invisible hand on top of the shoulder of each volunteer’, the slideshow got ready. It was almost 20 minutes with pictures and songs of GE Camp 1 2015. It wasn’t the best by any means but it was good enough I guess. That night, we sat signing each other’s ‘kikoys’ and t-shirts were distributed. There were hugs, talks, tears, music, silent eyes with the sorrow of departing yet a bit of happiness about going back to family, and lots more. The next day, every time the time came for a group to leave, there were tears. Even swimming on that last day could not cater for the grief the heart felt. I will never ever want to experience that silence in my life like at the dorm that night. I have felt it before as well but I honestly detest it. Insha’Allah, next GE, I will ensure to leave with a group of participants and not stay back.

I left the next day in the morning. I was so happy that my ‘bestie’ from camp, a co-Mwalimu had woken up to bid farewell. We sat and spoke for a while before I left for the airport. To be honest, I am so glad to have met her because she is a genuine person with whom I had serious talks, we laughed, we shared our stories and yes, she is one of the friends the camp has given me!!

The one thing that I wish to add here is the feeling of not going back to family. I was returning to Dar and not Kampala where my parents are. GE is such an emotional ride that after it, you need to go back to family and I did not do that. The feeling was of emptiness and nostalgia. I am hopeful that I get selected to be part of the camp again and Insha'Allah, I will go back to family before going back to 'normal' life. 

I want to conclude by saying this article by far doesn’t do justice to the camp because there is sooo much I haven’t spoken of. Being there, experiencing it is totally un-comparable to any piece of article describing it. There are so many moments like taking Farhan to the airport, teasing Shadow and Zara with women driving jokes, teasing IP about the balloon (Salman Khan), my conversations with Asma, being a roomie to Ndugu Sheroz and Rahim, the jokes with Shadan and Ndugu Sheroz (a particular one is but it was a puppy HAHA!) and many more, so many people I met who in their own rights are at a level and mean much to me that this article hasn’t spoken of but they are a part of it. I want to say that every single person I came across in the camp holds a special place and I will never be able to forget them and the time we spent together. My last statement will be one that people have heard a lot and sometimes it’s hard to believe but it is the truth…GE is the best thing that has happened to me. Someone asked me, would I do it again? My answer is the same as Khaled Hosseini said in his book, The Kite Runner...for you, a thousand times over!!!

Champ!

The ones who left..

"I fantasize about rejecting the apologies that I know will never come"

Another friend of mine very recently, in fact she was one of my most cherished friends decided to break the friendship all of a sudden without any concrete reason; but oh well I do not think any reason would be sufficient enough as well. Surprisingly, I have taken it pretty well. It struck me badly that morning when I read her Whats-app message and I could not focus but then I shared it with my most truest buddy and then it seemed a bit okay. I guess, sharing our screams out is the best way to silence the pain. 

I really have no clue today as to what I want to write but the reason I am writing is to let go off the burdens on my heart. I am honestly tired of seeing people leave after giving them so much. I am the kind of people who believe in loving with all our heart, giving so much value to a relationship, maintaining trust but then it just frustrates me to see people leave just like that. Although this time, the one thing that is positive about it is I think I have finally learnt to live with it and that is why it did not hit me as hard as it could have a couple of years back. I have learnt to accept people who want me to be part of them and appreciate having someone like me who they can trust. I have learnt this the hard way in life by loving someone too deeply or trusting the wrong people so for me, this is one lesson that shall not leave me.

So as I mentioned earlier, I really do not know what I have written but I wish to say this; we all make decisions with consequences for ourselves whether these are financial, family based, relationship based or career ones. The people we decide to abandon may really be those who are sent by Him to show us light and so we must choose wisely. There is pain in loving but a deeper pain in not loving but the choice is always ours. I have seen many people complain of not having love but that is because they imprison themselves yet He has given them everything. Remember, light or darkness is got by our choice and not by Him.

Finally, I want to tell that one friend who decided to bid good bye that no grudges buddy because I keep none though the pain caused is deep and silent...

Peace!

Champ!

Be mine!!

So I wasn't intending of publishing this poem but someone, I must add quite a special someone asked me to do so. She said it was very beautiful and deserved to be read by people. I am humbled by her opinion. 

Upon returning from Dubai, 38,000 feet above sea level, floating over clouds, here are the words my heart whispered:

You know I love it; I love it to bits in fact,

When you just let your guard down; a bit,

When you forget the walls you have built around your heart,

The walls that seem so high to climb for anyone,

When you forget your fear of getting hurt,

And you do and say what your heart wants,

You know I love it…

I love it when I talk to the girl who believes in dreams,

The girl who wants to fall in love; the love in fairy tales,

The girl who has her innocence written all over her face,

But it is sad that I have only met her a couple of times may be,

Because she is trapped and imprisoned within a cage,

A cage within yourself so deep that no one can reach…

You know what I think when I think of that girl within you,

I think of someone who I can share myself with,

Someone capable to rescue me from my depths of solitude,

Like I can rescue her from her depths of unfulfilled desires,

And I don’t mean share my body with her because that is the easier part,

I mean share my soul and body,

Which sounds ‘bookish’ but trust me; its reality…

I am not saying I love you because we haven’t reached there, yet,

But I have a feeling if we wanted to, if you wanted do, we can do this,

You and I together could walk past our daily sorrows of life, because,

As someone said, loving someone gives your strength while being loved by someone gives you courage,

I do not know why I have written this poem or why I am saying this,

Because I know we are very far from all this and I am not your type,

Nor am I capable to be with you, but I just felt like writing,

You should know you’re not the closest girl to me yet the only one I wanted to say this to…

You know I love flying, it gives me peace when I am above the clouds, and far from the world,

And it is easy for me to write what I feel when I am at peace with my heart,

I know you could get a better guy than me and I know you might disagree but this is the truth,

But still just know…I could be the star that lightens up your path,

I know too many expectations I am giving so I will just conclude with a quote I love,

If we get together, I am not saying you won’t have problems, but you won’t face them alone!!!

Champ!

That one moment..

I traveled this past weekend and as I sat alone on my last day having tea at the Aga Khan Academy watching the sun set, I wrote this poem:

It is that time of the day I love to capture,

But birds seem afraid of what’s to come,

I guess everyone hates darkness,

Then why don’t we fight for light?

Why do we give up the struggle so easily?

Anyways, behind the lens I have the power to hold a moment,

A moment that I can beg for but time will not return it,

But then again I ask myself, do I really have that power?

Does anyone have such a power?

Because a photo is not a moment but a memory of one,

And the greater the photo; the deeper the grief for the moment,

So today I really just want to pour my feelings on paper,

I don’t have anything specific to write about but share myself,

Share the pain of having an empty space besides me as I take my tea,

A space that I want the Almighty to fill up with someone but He doesn’t,

I want to tell you that regardless of how strong I am, pain gets to me too,

And it is such a moment I am feeling right now that I hate a lot,

A moment when it clicks you that you’re alone; how does the moon do it every night?

A moment when you don’t understand what your purpose here is,

A moment when you’re freedom hits you like a dagger in the heart,

Such a moment is really more painful than a broken heart,

Because at least when someone leaves you, you have certainty of them leaving,

But here it is all doubt and blurriness with absolutely no sign of rescue,

Amidst all this, I see a ray of hope; someone’s smile,

Someone I don’t know but would absolutely love to know,

So on this positive note, I can say that this moment will also fade,

Like all the painful moments I have been through; this too shall fade!!

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!

Music fills the gaps

“Music fills in the gaps that you left behind”

I pondered upon this thought just as I was about to write this article. I was reading some quotes on love and relationships and a few of them were very touching and so I stumbled upon the loneliness that I often manage to hide from the world and mostly from myself. Whenever though I touch that feeling it is very painful. You tend to reflect on life and what your purpose is, what you’re doing here, who is made for you, why you haven’t had someone who just loves you with all their heart yet you have been that someone for someone; and the absence of some of the answers to such questions devastates me. I read a quote on the notice board of my high school ‘don’t be too serious about life; no one gets out alive anyways’. I just wasn’t made for this quote. I take life seriously and I love reflecting upon issues that are otherwise not seen. That’s me yes!!

So, um finally, I have been granted my major wish/prayer; move out of Uganda. I finally have a job that takes me out of here, but am I happy? Of course I am because this is what I wanted but again I ask, am I happy? One of the saddest things for me is to see my mother weep; it’s intolerable. She is very happy for me and the opportunity that I have but a mother’s heart cannot bear that her only son is going away even though it is only a flights distance…yes, I have sort of began measuring distance in terms of flights because I am going to travel the entire world according to my mother and I will like to believe that. So yeah, just a flight away but too far indeed. My dad is one of the strongest characters I have met in my life but the last time I went far, he too shed tears on departure; a moment quite close to my heart. I will definitely miss them and there is no doubt about that but this step is necessary because life is quite practical unlike a lot of people today. I keep repeating this quote but it is so true and close to me: “…and there are people we can’t live without but must learn to let go.”

So I have written all this but what I really had thought was how music fills in the gaps in my life. Just as a song brings back memories, some take my mind away from darkness into light or in simple terms, distract me away from my memories.

I end with a quote that left me pondering, wondering and in thoughts:

"The person who cares least in the relationship has the most control."

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!

Don't let go...just move on!!

‘Strangers’, that’s how we all begin a journey with someone isn’t it? Somehow perhaps a certain hi or hello, a smile, a ‘like’ or a ‘follow’ considering today’s social media power sparks and breaks off the ice and a conversation begins. Personally, this initial stage is the hardest for me because I have been an introvert for as long as I can remember but once this is done and I begin to talk to someone, they learn that I am really a very talkative guy :p! Anyways, the fact that betrayals and lies are too much in supply and almost everyone is roaming with a mask around, the initial conversation really gives a glimpse of how strong this friendship might become because a majority of us are judging and trying to figure out who this person really is. Who is he/she? Can he/she be trusted? Leave trust, are they worth my time is the question we ask ourselves! And so the answers to those questions really then decide whether the friendship takes a step forward or becomes stagnant which in reality means, death! I believe a lot of people lose a potential genuine friend by making a misjudgment at this initial phase. Like a plant needs time to give you a flower, some people need time to really show you who they are; although this statement also goes for the ‘damaging’ ones!!

“We all begin as strangers but we also really get to decide who ends up as a stranger”, one of my favorite quotes. True isn’t it? We really decide who ends up a stranger as well. There are people we used to talk to daily as if the day wouldn’t pass without a talk with them or share every single feeling with but now they mean nothing; and I really mean nothing. We see them on social media as a mutual friend or around us if we are in the same country but we can’t bother to give them any attention whatsoever because of the pain they caused us. In all reality, we hate this individual but we never use that word of course because to hate someone is bad, ethically and also in the eyes of people and we of course want to look good so we don’t hate this person but we just don’t want them around; we just put it so nicely! Trust is everything but once broken, a sorry means nothing!! I also have a couple of strangers like this, one very recently and truly, “I don’t hate this person but…”

The last thing and probably the main thing I want to write about is when do we know it’s time to let someone go? And what is someone letting go mean anyways? Is it forgetting them because that is nearly impossible especially if you loved them, so how do you let go? I somewhat don’t believe in letting go but I believe in moving on. Someone will say but they are the same but are they? I have someone who scarred me like no one else did and ‘I let go’ and realized, I actually let my soul go and I lost more than I could bare. Very recently, we began talking again and I feel at peace. There are people that are ‘once in a lifetime people’ and losing them is the hardest thing one can face; she is that person to me. I don’t think anyone will understand her like I do or anyone will understand me like she does. The hope of finding someone who will love me for who I am is alive despite the darkness that ray of hope has seen thus far. I have moved on in the sense that I know me and her can’t be ‘that’ again and I have a life to live with countless opportunities which is what I am doing every single day of my life. Yes my thoughts and my beliefs have changed because of the pain and solitude, my look on life changed but there is nothing wrong in that! I do what I love like writing my blog without the fear of being judged, taking photos which is my greatest passion right now after flying/travelling and of course talking to and making new friends that I wouldn’t have done in the past; so yes, life is for us to live or for us to reject. 

Back to my question, when do I know it’s time to move on and for me the answer is very simple...when I begin compromising my happiness! Many a times, we are too blind to see that someone who can be our greatest admirer or companion is right in front of us but we are busy chasing illusions. As they say, people spend their life chasing stones when the diamond was begging to be theirs! 

"Life is a one-way lane..remember that everyday"

I end with one of my most favorite and heart wrenching lines from the book ‘The Half Girlfriend’:

‘I have a fear that I will never be able to get over someone I loved deeply’

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!

The Unity Games

It has become a ritual that almost every Easter, the Ismaili community in Eastern and Southern Africa gather and take part in the Unity games. Prior to this, I had the privilege of attending two games, both in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. This was the first time I was going to Mwanza and that too by road. Both previous times, we flew and so the journey wasn’t as hectic as this one looked to be. We knew that it was a 14-hour trip consisting of the first and major lag by road and a small portion by ferry. We left Kampala at 6 am although the time given was 4 am; a typical example of what we call ‘Khoja timing’; a concept I totally detest and do not believe in whatsoever! You know when you fly, you don’t feel the transition of one country to another but driving from Uganda to Tanzania, I had a unique feel as if my soul is being dissolved from one existence to another. It was a feeling I will never forget upon crossing the border. We were divided in two buses and of course I chose the quiet one which allowed me to read, listen to music, sleep and move around the bus. One of the things I loved was to put my face outside the window and feel the incoming wind although I was scared that my specs will fly away. Trust me, the scenery and views of the Kampala-Mwanza road are spectacular. If I was driving by myself in my car, I would have stopped at several spots and that would make the 14-hour journey probably an 18-hour one, LOL! We reached Mwanza at night at 8:00 pm; and oh at the end of the journey, we even drove without a head light; LUCKY TO BE ALIVE!! We went to the mosque in Mwanza then our hotel, quickly got ready and headed back for dinner and garba (a form of dance absolutely adored and loved). It rained but that never stopped anyone from dancing; after all, everyone was gathered to have fun!

 

The next morning was the opening ceremony and I loved it especially the unity games official song. After the ceremony everyone was served with breakfast and then the games began. I had registered in badminton and table tennis. Initially both were at different locations but thank God that they shifted table tennis to the mosque where badminton was hence decreasing my travel around but it affected us who were organizing badminton as table tennis occupied one of the only two courts we had; as they say, everything has a benefit and a drawback. I won’t go into every detail about the games but here is how I can describe the next two days…we used to sleep around 2 am and wake up at about 7:30 or 8 and reach for the games by 9 am. I was personally helping with badminton and therefore there was more pressure of both running the games and playing. This went on from Friday to Sunday evening till the closing ceremony. During the course of this, I witnessed rounders, swimming, table tennis, badminton, throw ball and cricket. As I was helping organize badminton, I couldn’t witness much of the games, take photos and have a more proper album on my Facebook page; this will be one of my regrets for these games.

What I want to write here about is how I lost a match which would ensure me to play in the semi-finals of the singles open. I lost it in anger and rage for someone who had tremendously bothered me during the organization of the games. When I began playing badminton, I used to play an amateur game (obviously) with a lot of power. I used to hit the shuttles hard and smash everything. Over the years, I learnt how to calm myself down and play a sensible game. I can describe myself best here using a quote: ‘somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a guy who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for him’. Today as I look back at that match, I realize I just did not play for that guy and I am also surprised because I never knew I still had the ability of having that much anger. I thought I had silenced that Rahim way back but clearly I did not so yes that loss to me left many lessons and a scar deep down me. I will never forget that loss and neither will I forget the people who hurt me. I am not in the business of holding grudges and so I threw them out of my life and moved past it but the lessons will help me in the future; and I will make sure of this.

Lastly, I am grateful and humbled by these games for two things mainly; my album and the friendships I took back with me. I have always been an introvert and making friends within a span of 2 or 3 days hasn’t been easy at all but I am glad this time I did make friends. I also received a massive reception and appreciation on my page because of my photos and for that, I say Shukar! #gratitude. It was a successful event and will remain special for all the good things and the lesson I learnt as well. 

For more photos: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.743223205794630.1073741859.468399296610357&type=1

Peace!

Cheers!

Champ!

A heart scattered on paper!

I have always looked to my pen whenever the emotions and feelings in my heart start to overflow. My most genuine friend lives miles abroad and fairly it doesn’t make a difference to our friendship but it would be nice to have him around here and just sit and talk to him rather than viber or whatsapp. None the less, I am fortunate that I have a journal and a blog to write upon whenever I feel burdened.

I have plenty of things on my mind right now but more so is anger. I feel someone I trusted a lot betrayed me. William Shakespeare said ‘trust not him that hath broken faith once’. I too will never trust some people anymore even though my heart wants to trust one of them. The truth is, almost everyone does betray us in one way or another but there are those who leave us with excruciating pain, usually the closest of them. The ethic that I follow most is honesty and I cannot bear lies. Neither do not prefer it nor do I accept it. When I look and think back, I see some strangers who were my closest at one point in time. I have deep grief for one of them and I wish we could re-start whereas anger towards another because I simply wish to erase them.

The second point I want to mention today is related to the first one; and it is that the anger is also directed towards my Creator. He who is above all else knows my desires and wishes so why can’t He allow me the change that I want in my life? My mother was explaining to me the other day why I am unable to get something abroad but for me, those are human excuses and I do not see them as a problem for the Almighty because He is the Creator and nothing is impossible for Him. I have prayed and prayed for this one thing that will open the gates of happiness for me but it hasn’t happened and I am certain that His plans are way better than my wishes but that doesn’t bring much relief. Yes I am patient and waiting but I lose it at times because I am human. At times you look at life and compare your desires to the ethics of your faith and they are aligned so well that you actually question ‘why you aren’t getting them?’

A last point is about the change that I want in my life. I want to move as far as possible from this city. I want to forget some of the people here and start a life with freedom and in dependency. I want to have a job, a car, a house and a life with my choices and decisions. I want to travel the world with whatever money I make. I also want to cater for my parents. To be honest, I am nothing like what I thought I would be some years down the line. It’s funny how people and the pain they cause us makes us change into something we never thought we could be. The more I think about this, I turn to my Lord and wish all I could do was pray.

I would like to end with a quote from one of my favorite books, ‘The Winner Stands Alone’ by Paulo Coelho. It is more so a dialogue from one of the characters;

‘…and yet he received nothing in return, not even understanding.’

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!

I hate good byes!!

“Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation” – Khalil Gibran

I have wanted to write an article for a long time now but every time I sat down to write, I lost the flow after a few lines and so I just stopped. A few days back, someone who seems now a stranger but was once… said to me: “you’re still the same person inside. I guess I was wrong”. I kept wondering how she ever imagined I would change the way I am for her. In fact, if there change has happened on someone’s part, it has been on her part. I feel she abandoned our friendship for whatever reason and moved on. Yes I have changed too; both internally and externally and I am truly happy about the changes in me because they have come at a cost of struggle, pain and bitter lessons. I wouldn’t do anything to take me back to that time except for one single reason; my friendship with her.

Yesterday I was listening to a song as I was reflecting on the feeling I have even today and this is what I want to write about today… ‘I hate goodbyes; especially those I have to say to strangers!’ It may seem completely insane that a good bye to a stranger hurts but it truly does because it is full of regret. You know how we can be the best of friends with someone and they have to leave and yes it hurts a lot but there are very few regrets, if any. Mainly, it is a good bye said along many memories, however, when a stranger who you have known for a couple of days or a few meetings, there are so many regrets and therefore that good bye hurts as hell. Distance is one of the most painful aspects of one’s life. I can’t express the magnitude of how much I hate the feeling of saying good bye to someone I totally want to build a friendship with, know more about, express myself and allow them the ability to express themselves; you know just deepen a bond.

It is like you meet someone and from the moment you saw them, you knew you have to get to know this person and then life breaks the dream by making that person walk back on the path that she was meant to take which seems absolutely normal except the fact that, it has left a gap in your soul. It would sound too cheesy if I add what Paulo Coelho says in one of his novels; ‘everyone meets their soul mate’. I couldn’t agree more with him.

To be honest, I have expressed two of my greatest feelings right now in the simplest of ways I could. I totally hate the feeling of saying good bye especially to a stranger and it is very sad when I meet someone and we connect in ways that I haven’t with someone I know for a long time and then they leave and distance becomes a factor beyond control…I hate it! I end with a quote I read yesterday:

‘We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours’ – Haris Lithos 

Peace!

Champ!