Nostalgia that stings!

You know how they say you only realise the value of something once you have lost it; but sometimes you already know how much you value something and still have to let it go. This special something could be a place or a person. When you do let it go, it feels like someone has stabbed you in the heart, but somewhere along the way ahead, if you are fortunate, life will present you with an opportunity to re-visit it. The nostalgia, however, that follows then, is a stinging dagger! You remember all the memories and feel empty within, as though the present means little to nothing.

I am currently re-visiting such a city for me, Mombasa, which I have so often referred to as my favorite city in the world. My friends know I have travelled to a number of cities so many find it quite amusing that I call Mombasa home or my favorite but I guess you love a city for the way it makes you feel, not the way it looks.

“Back in July 2012, a naïve Rahim moved to Mombasa to complete his education. With a zero sense of dressing, plenty of nervousness, no ability to talk to strangers especially of the opposite gender, an introvert with high ambitions had left home for the first time. The value of parents was quickly realized. That first week, God I tell you, one of the toughest weeks of his life. The thought of running back home crossed his mind several times but he is a hard nut who refuses to give up. 

From the 2^ndtill the last week though, he had one prayer; is there a way to remain here forever? He explored the city on a bicycle for the 3 months and was in absolute awe of it all. He interned at a sports centre where he organized a tournament for them – a tournament which he created, from its name to logo, and implemented it. The ‘friendship bond open Mombasa 2012’ is one his most proud accomplishments. When he returned back to Uganda in October, he had learned the value of parents, how to survive on your own, face solitude that chokes your soul yet continue to breathe. He had done a lot of first time things, like go to a nightclub. I remember, when he came back home that night, he felt his conscience was missing. It was as if he had seen a very different world, one that had man involved in activities beneath the level set for it by the Creator. 12 weeks later, it wasn’t the same Rahim returning to Kampala!”


As I have fine-tuned this piece, I am ending my Safari leg of the trip. The past 2 days at the Kilaguni Serena Safari Lodge at the Tsavo West National Park have been adorable to say the least. The darkness, the quiet, the tranquility of the jungle has always appealed to my solitude. I won’t be able to use words to describe a safari experience; one has to do it. Time seems to have stopped in the wild and allows one to connect with the deepest corner of their soul. I wasn’t able to see a leopard – not a regret but a reason to return here! We head to Mombasa tomorrow for the final 2 nights at the beach in Bamburi. I am tremendously grateful to Him that Mom was able to experience this trip. 

The cities that make us feel like we should stay are more likely those that have contributed to our existence. These are cities that make you feel at peace and one with your Creator. These are cities that bring a burst of joy every time the plane touches down. Allah knows more for us than we will ever. Back in 2012 – 2014, I tried very hard to find a way to stay here but couldn’t. I kept asking Him “why?” Considering the life I have led since then, I wonder if I had got what I was looking for, would I have done half the things I have done, experienced and seen now? Or would I have done way more? Have you ever asked yourself, what if I had my wish granted, how different would life be? Try…

Time flies by, as everyone says and knows. When I decided to bring Mom to Mombasa earlier this year, I hadn’t realized what I did on 13^thDecember, a day before flying to Mombasa – I was returning after 3 and a half years…3.5 years!!

For the first 2 days of the trip, I traced my footsteps, which I had left here, just like those on the beach. I visited the places I used to go, took the roads I traveled back then, met the people who became family along the way, and recited in the 3 Jamat Khanas I went to. The nostalgia has never been so real!

There is a reason I don’t like to repeat countries/cities, especially those I absolutely love…I don’t feel like returning! I end up being sad instead because I can’t stay back, and therefore I do not truly appreciate the present. I try to absorb everything in the little time I have, and well, time is never an ally. One can never have everything! 

Our parents have done so much for us – we must not miss any opportunity we have to return, whatever little we can because we will never be able to fully repay them.

I don’t know what I really put down in this article or if it made any sense. I guess it’s a combination of anxiety/pain of not having enough of my favorite city and a bit of my current trip. 

I am very grateful for this trip, with which I end 2018. At the start of this year, I did feel I would travel much more than I have done before. I can only hope for the same in 2019.

I appreciate all of you who have followed my thoughts throughout; happy holidays!

Peace!

Champ

To be loved!

Is there any feeling more powerful in the world than that of being loved by someone intensely? I am 34,000 feet above the sea level, floating in the clouds listening to a song that has struck a chord so I thought I should put down the feelings to paper! 

Many who know me recognize my love for travel and living a wanderer’s life. I am in awh of the idea of being Up-intheair, I have been since the age of 5. A couple of days back at the World Travel Market, someone I was speaking to asked me how many countries I had been to. My answer was  ‘it will be 16 after this weekend’. He went on to tell me that he has been to over 50 countries. He further added that for my age, I am doing just fine with this pace. However, if you ask me, I am way behind and I need to speed up, never know when this path comes to an end. He also asked me how many countries did I really want to do? I said ‘197’; he laughed and said ‘that’s the whole world son’. I said ‘that is the vision’. Keep dreaming I tell myself often, for dreams guide the path.

Anyways, I got distracted from what I was feeling when I began this article, and that is, being loved by someone. As a wanderer, there is no concept of home in my life. A downside to this kind of lifestyle is you tend not to find ‘the’ person. Being brutally honest, I have a battered heart and I find it very difficult to find the spark, like I once did with someone. My favorite author, Ahmed Faraz once wrote ‘mohobat kay baad mohobat mumkin hai Faraz, mager toot kar chahna sirf ek baar hota hai’. An attempt at relaying the message ‘you can find love twice but you only die for one person’. Indeed, very lucky are those who find their soul mates, but deeply dead are those who find their soul mates only to not ‘find’ them.
Love is a very selfless feeling; it should be that way. How can I expect someone to fancy me because I fancy her? If anything, I feel more for her because being on the other side is more difficult. You feel guilty that you’re not able to be there for someone who likes you so much, and has to offer so much. Trust me, way too difficult! I have been there a number of times now, and I wonder what I did to deserve someone’s affection. Do I even deserve it in the first place?

In all this, the path I have chosen is considered not so ethical by ‘society’ standards but I like it. It is a path of least expectations with tremendous diversity. My introvert self does not allow me to fully go down this path as yet, but with each increasing travel, I am getting there. However, sometimes, moments like this, my soul makes me feel the solitude to its last chord. I feel the need to have someone in my life, who I can say is mine.

I had to leave this article half way so I am continuing it from Kazbegi, Georgia, surrounded by mountains and with a temperature outside of -1. This is the first time I am experiencing this much cold and loving it!

So about the need to have someone – indeed, as a solo traveller, I see couples travelling all the time and quite frankly it does make me envious. At the same time, I love my freedom and independence to do anything, without being judged.

So I end this article here with a hope that my travels will bring to life this wish! I leave this article with a very good piece of advice I echo as well:

"Hooking up with people who do not care about your happiness or you; is a serious and big decision. If you do decide to hook up, you must have a good reason for it, just as you would to have a relationship"

Peace!

Champ!

Numbness

“Ab toh dard sehne ki itni aadat hogayi hai Faraz,

Jab dard nahin hota toh dard hota hai”

I am so used to bearing the pain, Faraz,

When I don’t get pain, I feel hurt!

What a deep thought Faraz has expressed so simply in the lines above. From the time I first read this couplet, it has related to my soul, it is as if he wrote it for me. You know how you get something in such quantity that you become used to it; solitude, loneliness and eventually pain have been those elements for me, and much to my delight, travel is becoming a part of the list. I am not ungrateful for the blessings I have been bestowed with, in fact I have been given so much, perhaps most of which I don’t deserve but I cannot neglect the amount of “lessons” I have been given. From a person I called my soul mate letting go, wishes as a kid not being fulfilled to my dad’s demise, I have seen quite a bit.
I am tremendously grateful for everything to He who is above all else, especially for the lessons – they have strengthened me but today as I sit down to write this, I am hurting, angry, tired, frustrated, and above all of this, hopeful that a door or a window will open for me to escape through…

27 years of being on this planet, almost 4 years of being in a professional world, I can tell you, think about yourself because others will not, they will definitely not! From the many so-called ‘well wishers’, a couple or if you are VERY blessed, a few of them will be genuine and you need to identify them, and most importantly, value them.  These select few will show you the true face of the situation regardless of whether you agree or not, they will guide you in times when you are losing your core, they will never take your spotlight and they will definitely celebrate your success. The rest of them, are nothing but like shadows, who will fade faster than you blink your eyes. It is paramount that you recognize both sets of people and treat them accordingly. Never make someone your priority if you are a choice in theirs– this sounds very selfish and so what? Aside from your parents and those few who care for you, why are you bothering wasting your life for others? You can either look good in the eyes of the world or take decisions towards the betterment of your self-being, your choice!

Someone much younger who has earned my respect deeply once told me that I have a very strong work ethic. My advise to you, let your work remain work, do not make it your life. If you have your own baby project, like I do, sure, dream, and vision, and make it work but do not kill yourself when working for others – trust me, it is a very bad idea, which will result in disappointment and pure anguish.
As I write this today, I am reflecting on the reflections of my travel in June to the Maldives, which led me to launch Up-intheair! This is why I encourage people to travel; the answers within us are revealed. Throughout my trip, I had asked myself if I was doing enough with my life, if I was investing my time in the right direction. I knew the answer but I needed re-assurance. Today as I look forward to the future, I can sense that the path that awaits me is far different from the one I have led, like the one before this was different, but whatever it is, I hope I never lose faith in Him, but most importantly, I hope He never loses faith in me. I can only go as far as He wants me to and only if He is proud of the person I am becoming.

At some point while typing, I doubted if I should publish this article, and someone who has been an elder sister to me for as long as I can remember recommended I should, so here it is.

There is someone whose work and most importantly, personality has always inspired me. I don’t respect her because she is senior to me in terms of work; I respect her for how good a human being she is. She is the person who has always supported me and is never afraid to tell me the truth, especially my shortcomings so that I can improve. I hope someday, I can be as professionally sound as she is. This piece is dedicated to her!

Lastly, if you are thinking why is the title, numbness, there is no relevance to it as such throughout the piece. Well, it is the way the heart feels right now; so numb that it no longer feels the pain, just vibrations - such a dagger!

Peace,
Champ!

Life is a very small passage in eternity...

 

It is 2 years to the day my Dad left this world, for a world far better but took away a lot of me from this world; or perhaps all of me. When the world was posting about father’s day, I was on a plane headed for his funeral.  A very long time back I had written about airports, which have travellers with so many different emotions, one of them being someone travelling for a funeral. On 18^thJune 2016, I learnt the depth of that which I had no clue about when I wrote that piece. It felt like I was a rock and time had stopped for me. As a traveller, I am particular about my seating on a plane and I politely requested the cabin crew on the flight from Dubai to Entebbe to allow me to sit behind and her response was tremendously rude. Of course she did not know what I was going through but it made me feel like life really had given up on me. I sat where I was assigned (the aisle seat, right side of the plane, near the wing) and couldn’t focus on my journal, the book I keep or a movie I tried watching. The middle seat was empty and there was someone on the window seat who during mid flight asked me ‘what is wrong young man?’. I told him I lost my dad and he went ‘explains a lot as to why you look like your elsewhere’. It was only a 5hour something flight may be but it seemed way longer than that. I think I did watch that one movie, though with little to zero emotions. Whenever I land in Uganda, I feel like I am home but this time, it felt nothing. As someone who does travel often Masha’Allah, I have a habit to ensure I speed my way out as quickly as possible. I am very familiar with Entebbe (and even if you are not, its not that complex!), I had my yellow fever and my immigration form ready. I reach the counter and the lady asks why I am here and I say ‘to bury my father’. Her eyes, I will never forget them! It seemed she knew what I was saying and she stamps me an allowance in the country for more days than I have ever been granted. Ironically, the page she chooses to stamp my visa is right next to the page on which my last trip’s visa is, when I travelled to meet Dad and Mom; the last time I saw him. I reach home and meet my mother and grandfather. My mother, who I was most worried about, seems shattered, actually she was shattered! So was I, but I couldn't tell or show her that - I needed to be there for her, like dad was, and like he would want me to be. Till today, I know he expects the same from me.

Over the next couple of days, I met my friends and folks who knew me. I could see genuine concern and love for the family, and me, which was a very inspiring and touching feeling. It showed me that my family, and perhaps myself had earned love and respect from the members of the community.

I buried my father on 21^stJune 2016. We woke up around 0800, got ready and had to reach by 0830. I had counted 0830 – 1230 as the funeral time. Today, I can tell you, those were the 4 longest and most painful hours of my life!

I had not shed a single tear until that morning, but when I entered the room where he was kept for the family to have a final moment and saw him, I broke down. I remember, I just couldn’t move any further. I stepped out actually but it was my uncle who held me and supported me, took me around his body to pay my respect. The strength I got from my Uncle’s presence at my father’s funeral, throughout, I will never forget and be forever in his debt for that.
We came out and father was brought too. I kept looking at him, at his chest thinking, perhaps now it will begin beating; how helpless did I feel when that wouldn’t happen – only I know. I recited 2 Ginans, a form of spiritual expression. During the first, I think I cried more than recite but the second one, was more powerful because I had calmed enough to recite for him.
Around 1015, it was time I took the one last round to see him. I just couldn’t stand up. Someone I have known as a kid walked up to me and said ‘come on son, it is time’. I will never forget that moment either! I took the most painful, last round. After that was the graveyard and he was buried. I don’t think I uttered a word during the entire ritual; I just watched him go down. I only placed one flower on his grave, at where his forehead would be; I used to kiss him goodnight on his forehead!

I think I have said this for a number of moments above but I think I will never forget anything; from the time I learnt he was gone to the time I placed that flower – I will never forget anything.

I re-call my last telephone conversation with him, which was some 15 or 20 minutes before he passed away, and I told him ‘I am coming next month so it is merely 30 odd days and we will meet Insha’Allah’; little did I know that I did not even have 30 more minutes with him! It is also a blessing that I had that last call with him. I would usually call him on a Sunday but this time I decided to call him on Saturday night, somehow something inside me wanted to speak to him. I called and Mother told me he has just come from work so can you call a bit later and I said ‘no, I will talk right now’. I just don’t know what drove me to be so persistent that day! It was raining but to get a better network, he always stepped outside the home. He stood by the door and spoke to me and knowing he just returned from work where he would have stood for the whole day, I told him why don’t you rest and I will call you later, but his love for me was such that he said no! Even as he went, he left me with a glimpse of the love he had for me. He stood for about 17minutes 20odd seconds, by the door, while it poured down and spoke to me. 17minutes 20 most treasured seconds of my life which I would pay my life for to get back!

A couple of very special friends very recently have told me that I am an inspiration for travelling the world and living my dream, although personally I feel I am quite far away from the kind of travelling I want to do. I want to thank IP and Bhalu! 

My father loved to travel and this passion has come to me from him. He inspired me to travel and live my dream.
I was 5 and changing my future careers everyday! I would watch a movie in which my favorite actor played the role of a cop so I would think, “I will be a cop”. The next movie, I’d see a powerful character of a lawyer and go for that. My favorite one was to be a cricketer; had that one for quite sometime even after I really knew what I wanted to do. One Sunday, Dad and I were outside as we would every Sunday afternoon. A plane flew above us. I asked Dad what were questions a 2 year old would ask now; what is that, how is it flying so high, who is driving it or rather flying it? He told me it’s a pilot, and boom! I told him I will be a pilot. He said, “it is very tough to become a pilot and will require serious dedication and not changing career paths like you do”. I repeated saying “I will become a pilot”. I don’t remember much from my childhood, just glimpses, but I remember that moment clearly, as a crystal. I remember how his eyes recognized how serious I was, and somehow I knew he consented.
From that day, I knew I was chasing a dream which was tough and required serious dedication! Today, I am not a pilot, I did not become one, but I am the first one in the family who has had to change a passport because the pages were over, not because the passport expired. I don’t see my dream as a failure and its not to give myself any consolation. The essence of my dream was to travel and the method I saw at that time and till end of high school was to be a pilot. Life showed me that the method chosen for me, at least now, is not that. 

As I conclude this piece, I want to say that if there is anything I have realized more in these past two years, it is that life is very short! You might have heard this from people in movies or in person, perhaps read in books, but trust me, it is indeed very short. I do not have regrets because my dad knew I loved him, I always told him that, even when we last spoke. Many of us think we have all the time in the world but we really don’t. My life after him is so different from the life I had when he was here. He always told ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’when I spent unnecessarily or his favorite statement, which I am think of engraving on my body, ‘one cannot have the ocean in a day’. I will forever remember his words, which guide me and will do until I too say bye to this world. My father worked all his life for mother and myself, he did not spend anything on himself. 

My father was and is my hero, and will remain my hero. My photography, travel, honesty and loyalty; are just some of the things I have got from him...

Happy Father’s Day, Paa! I miss and love you, from the core of my heart!!

RIP!

Peace!

Champ!

From the Olé in Rasdhoo

Many a times, I would wait to finish a trip and then jolt down what i felt about the trip. Tonight, I am in the Maldives, heading to Sri Lanka tomorrow in the afternoon and I already feel the need to share what I have felt so far.  From a small but beautiful beach like café called coffee olé, on an island some 1 hour away from man kind made world, I am typing this with Ed-Sheeran singing in the background and this couple making out in front of me (feels like someone fasting is watching someone have McDonalds)…

One of the most difficult things in the world, which I have always found very easy, is travel, and especially when you are passionate about it, one’s perspective on it changes.  As those close to me will know, I rely very strongly on my instinct.  When I was going to begin this trip, I had a strange feeling that this was not going to be as smooth or as heavenly as I had planned it and today as I write, just 2 days in to my trip, I can tell you this travel is teaching me more than many in the past have.

When the plane was taxiing in Karachi, I pulled out my best friend on a travel, my DSLR to click a few starting shots only to learn that the battery had completed its time on this planet. The reality began to sank in as a dagger had been formed. I thought to myself ‘what the f***. I have planned a trip to one of the beautiful places on the planet with so many hopes of clicking tons of images, especially sunsets and here is my DSLR giving up!’. Then I saw this beautiful person on my flight, and I forgot all about the issues of the camera – Rachel Viccaji. I recognized her right away for she is one of the vocalists in Coke Studio; a brand of music that has deeply touched me always with its work. At some point during my flight, I requested if she could sign my journal; a photo did not seem appropriate.

The sunset time came and I was once again thrown back in to the sorrow of not having my DSLR’s support. Capturing that sunset, well, that was also on my list to do! I took whatever I could using my iPhone – trust me, no match whatsoever.

We land in to Colombo and after immigration at the duty free shop; somehow, I manage to have a photo with Rachel! I rush out of the airport and ask my driver to take me to shops for the DSLR’s battery. We drive up to an hour and I cannot find it. I see that the airport has a shop where I can get it. Next morning, I look for the shop after checking in, only to find out that it has closed. Oh wait, I forgot to mention that my iPhone cable also died when I was on the flight to Colombo. So the iPhone died due to low battery that 1^stnight!! Such a challenging travel right? Wait, I have more to say…

I head to the Maldives. WHAT A BEAUTY! Every time on this trip when my heart has uttered this line,  I have reminded myself how much I miss my DSLR!

PS: having ginger tea with a sea breeze around, and it rained too! And thank God, the couple left…

So I land in Maldives and the person picking me up isn’t there. I get in touch with the person who assisted me with my booking and he says I will have to wait for an hour at least!! Sorry, I know I have used way too many exclamation marks, but the article calls for it.
After waiting for about an hour, the person picking me up comes and tells me that due to some reason, the morning speed boat was cancelled and now I have to wait till 1500 for it. I’m thinking, wow, any more surprises my Lord?

I go to Male with him to look for my battery; we go around the capital, which is the smallest capital in the world. We don’t find the battery and hence the dagger of reality even sharpens that my DSLR will be quiet in Maldives.
He takes me to a souvenir shop and I select one item, he makes it 50% discount (I just don’t know how one can waive off cash like that but well), and I take a ferry back to the airport.
The one thing I want to mention that I was impressed to see was the role of women in this country. Islands are generally considered ‘not developed’ but the thought of the people is developed. Women riding bikes, no helmets, respect for the land in that no one litters, respect for others on the road – little to no hooting or screaming at each other, something I witness so often in Karachi; I was so impressed with this country in just the first few hours I was here.

By the way, the ferry from the airport to Male was another of those things that left a deep mark; like it was as if I have travelled to another world.

I went to a sandbank today, walked quite a distance to reach a coral with sharp blue colored fish; beauty. I also saw turtles there… in the afternoon, we set out to see dolphins. I had 4 of them jump right next to where I was on the boat; some experiences, you cannot value them in monetary terms!

I want to conclude this piece with the last surprise that I have received, SO FAR:

As I said, I am at an island about 1h 30m away from civilization. My flight was UL118 at 1045, which means taking the 0730 ferry is great, but Sri Lankan Air cancelled that flight at now, the new flight time is 0925. Well, clearly I wont make it so now I am forced to change myself to the 1530 flight. This means I get to the airport in the only ferry of the day, around 0900 and I wait for up to 4 hours perhaps. I then land in Sri Lanka at 1725 – spoils the day I had planned but so grateful to the car company and this one individual who has supported my logistics of the Sri Lankan bit.

Am I disappointed? – yes, with the way Maldives has happened, a bit. I am TOTALLY NOT disappointed with my decision to come but with the logistics. The lesson – plan better, review better, learn much better, and then choose even better!!

So, to all those out there who wish to travel the world,  it is not impossible and it is not about money. It is about belief, courage, and just the will to go. I had put Maldives on my travel list in 2014 and 4 years later, I can finally say, I have done it!

Will I come back – without a shadow of a doubt. Insha’Allah, I am leaving because that is life’s demand of me; I will come back because that is my demand of life.

Peace!

Champ!

My Nanus!

This piece is dedicated to my Nanus (grandfathers).

Last week, my last Nanu (this seems an odd statement but what I do mean is the last one alive) passed away, may he rest in peace. 

A dear friend of mine asked me to write something on my Nanus, which I had thought I should anyways; and then tonight, a very, very dear friend of mine shared with me something she had written today and that triggered something in me so I am finally putting the whispers of my soul to paprer…

As far as my memory goes, I remember my times with 3 of them; my Nana (mother’s father) and 2 Nanus (Nana’s brothers).  All 3 of them have been significant figures of inspiration for me in my life but the one who had the highest and most significant impact was my Khan Nanu. Perhaps because I spent at least 16 out of the 26 years of my life with him, most of which was my childhood to youth days; and as science shows, that is the time we are shaped to be who we are. 

When I was in Mozambique, I saw my Nana once a day when we would go to my uncle’s place before going to Jamat Khana. My Nana was paralyzed and would always be on the bed with his beads reciting a prayer. He would see me and smile as if I was the sole reason of his happiness. Of course this was not the case because he loved everyone in the family but I will never forget how he would always smile despite the fact that he was unable to move or leave that room. If I spend half a day in my room, I feel so helpless and smiling would be the last thing I would do and here was a man, who was on the bed for years and never complained. I did not hear him ask why God has done this to him. In fact, he kept reciting prayers and taking God’s name. if this doesn’t inspire me to be anything but faithful, I just don’t know what would.

I connected well with him yet I spent a maximum of 10 minutes with him per day. 

There was something about him! I think I now realize, all my 3 of them had that unexplainable magic. The phrase I think I would use is ‘they were elevated’

One day in 2001, my Nana passed away in Nampula, Mozambique. At that time, I was only 10 years old and never understood how deep a gap death can leave. Today, I know; my God, I very well know!!

Before I speak about Khan Nanu, I want to talk about Sadru Nanu, who passed away last week. I always asked my Nanus to pray for me and Sadru Nanu always told me ‘how can I tell you, what is in my heart and thoughts? How can I possibly begin to explain what you mean to me?’While saying this, he would shed a few tears. When I returned from the graveyard, I went in to his room, near his bed I was going through his belongings to see if there was tasbih I could keep as a memory when I stumbled upon his little diary. I began to flip the pages just randomly until I reached a page that had my birthdate on it: “Rahim beta – 14 October 1991”. I cannot express the pain and the sorrow in that moment. It sank to the core of my heart. Indeed, I was not able to understand how much he loved me, and again, I mean the family. I am not afraid to mention here that he had 1 photo in his drawer, and it wasn’t of me but it is a pity that those in the photo never understood just how much this man loved them.

Death; funerals always leave a gap but Sadru Nanu’s funeral was probably one of the most painful for me – for sometime now, I knew it was coming but when it finally did happen, I thought to myself ‘perhaps a bit of more time with him would be nice’.
Time is never our ally so we must be very careful with how we deal with it. Most of us are busy giving time to those who value so little of us; we are simply a choice in their lives yet they are our priorities; I think I am very glad that regardless of how this approach of mine is thought of, I no longer give my time to everyone, especially not to those, who just don’t value me as a person.

My journey with my Khan Nanu or ‘budhao’ as I called him, is in itself worth a book. From the true meaning of service to making chai for Jamat Khana, from meditation to reciting a prayer, from having patience to showing emotions, from him carrying me to me holding his hand as he walks; I have spent a third of my life with my Khan Nanu. He would scold me for not attending prayers or breaking a glass in Jamat Khana playing cricket, and trust me, I have broken a lot of them; he would tell me that one does not need to have a uniform or position or title to serve; he would tell me his life stories; he would be patient with me on instances where I would be irritated with him; and he would always give me money before I set on a travel and say ‘buy chocolates, enjoy’. As I said, there is so much I can talk about my Khan Nanu and someday I will sit down to jolt a piece just for my time with him but I want to fast forward to 2017. He was diagnosed with lip cancer; had a 9 hour surgery, survived it, was recovering and 2 days later had a cardiac arrest that put him in the ICU on 21^stMarch; Navroz which is the Persian New Year; celebrated world wide. What is ironic is my father passed away on Father’s day in 2016 and just as the world was posting messages on social media sites, I was flying to Kampala for his funeral. On Navroz 2017, I spent a lot of my day right from 0430 till 2130 in and around the ICU. I think I am truly grateful to He who is above all else for the strength and courage He gave me!

Khan Nanu passed away on Chandraat, day of the new moon in September 2017. You know how a building is only as strong as its foundation; I can tell you, I have lost 2 of the foundations! After dad passed away, happiness and sorrow became almost the same thing; as if color had faded from my life, and till today, it is just not there!!

I know I have not done justice to this piece but I have written in the flow as always. I want to end this with a quote I loved from a piece my friend shared with me earlier this evening:

“Remember the days you prayed for the things you have now” – author unknown

Life is a very short passage in eternity. Say the I love you, sorrys the moment you get the chance because tomorrow is never, ever guaranteed. 

Peace,

Champ!

Whispers of the Soul

Hello!

This post is about my Jubilee Arts (a Diamond Jubilee initiative) submission. I am sharing below the photo and summary I submitted for JA.
With a very heavy heart, I had to accept that I did not go to the International Arts and ended up losing in the Nationals. Anyways, one can't have everything.

So here we go...

"Captured 38,000 feet above sea level somewhere between Tanzania and Kenya in 2015, this image is one of my most profound clicks. On December 1^st 2016, my father’s first birthday since his passing, I dedicated this image to him!

Since the age of 5, travelling has been my greatest desire and passion. To wander the world admiring the marvels of the Creator has brought immense happiness, peace and moments of reflection. Floating above the clouds, I found myself lost in a multitude of overcharged emotions that compelled me to capture myself in that moment in time, forever.

On 18^thJune 2016, my father passed away some 20 minutes after I had a telephone conversation with him. I travelled to Uganda early next morning and he was buried on 21^stJune. Many told me back then that time is the greatest healer of all and I will eventually learn to move on and forget; it has been 628 days today and the memory of each moment, from me learning he has gone till the flower I put on top of the grave, is fresh and alive!

Going through his things in the days following the funeral, I found an old Kodak camera and some dusty photos of him and his travels. I recognized the glimmer in his eyes, which I feel, is always reflected in my heart when I travel. That day, I realized that my eye for photography and love for travelling are actually a part of the many things Dad left for me, they are his legacy to me.

Every time I look at the image today, it reminds me of just how important time, especially the present moment, is!
I captured this when I was travelling from Dar es Salaam to Mombasa to serve in Global Encounters as a logistics support member. GE is without a doubt one of the best things that I have been a part of. A month before GE, I also got my first real job in Tanzania. This was a time when life began to teach me the difference between earning things rather than just getting them; a time when I was going to be away from my parents once again and that is tremendously difficult, even for a wanderer like myself.

Today, I miss those years of my life deeply. When I was in Uganda, I would often tell Dad how bored I am and my ambitions to fly high and be something. I am getting there indeed Insha’Allah but the time I spent with both my parents like the Golden Jubilee of Mawlana Hazar Imam is forever engraved in my soul. I have taught myself how to smile in times of despair and my faith and devotion to the Imam keeps me moving forward, but the whispers of my soul within are loud and keep reminding me of what I have been through to get here, and the legacy, which I must uphold."

By the way, I do welcome comments and observations you may have, so feel free to email me!

Peace,

Champ!

Instincts of an Introvert

A couple of folks, probably two who value my blog the most keep asking me ‘when are you posting next?’ I wish to tell them here that I only write when my heart feels it is time to let go, so it takes the right mood and timing. I also want to express deep gratitude for their appreciation and love towards this.

There are a number of thoughts in my mind right now, which I wish to express and as always, I don’t know if I will make sense but here we go…

As an introvert, there is a deep underlying pain as a result of not being able to approach someone. I have often said that sometimes you look or meet someone and your instinct tells you ‘get to know her’, but then you just can’t do it. Something somewhere deep within you is like that invisible barrier or wall that just doesn’t seem to lower down or fade. To others, this all sounds like an excuse but trust me, it is there and it is not a pretty one! Mark Twain said ‘some years down the line, you will regret things you did not do more than what you actually did’– I couldn’t agree anymore!!

I read someone’s blog who is nearing the end of her journey at a University as an intern in a foreign country and about to return back home, sadly someone I have known only for less than 24 hours. A line to quote is “…and next week will come time to wrap up and head home”. I was thrown back to 2014 when I was ending my final year in Mauritius and was heading back home after 8 months, which rather felt like 8 years. I had never been away from Dad or Mom for such a long time; well and today, Dad left me some 21 months back. Isn’t life a test all together? Amazing as it is, we think we are not strong enough to take something yet after a period of time, we stand still and look back to realize just how much we more we have gone through. It makes me resilient to know how much stronger I have become after all that is thrown and keeps getting thrown at me.

I also realize there are a number of things I thought I will write about and share but haven’t, like my UK/Turkey trip or my upcoming Summer trip, or my participation in Jubilee Arts and hope to go to Lisbon; trust me so much I could say and I hope some day I do sit down to write it all out. For now, I will touch on the Jubilee Arts bit because I feel it is necessary to do so.
I ended up in the Nationals of the Pakistan competition and did not make it to the International Arts competition where Ismaili artists from all over the globe will take part. Disappointed? Yes! I was hoping to go through but I will trust His plan for me, like I always have.
I was hoping to not only visit Lisbon but Krakow as well in the process; for Auschwitz has been a long-standing item on my bucket list.

So I conclude my thoughts with this; I would love to get to know more of this someone, the way is very blur but at least there is a way. As an instinct person, something somewhere clicked!

I am a wanderer on the path of life, moving along blurred paths that I don’t seem to completely understand many a times, searching but not lost for sure; and I trust Him to move me in only the direction where He wants me.

To the person I dedicate this article to:
“I hope to read ‘emotions’ more than updates in the blog in future.”

 Peace,

Champ!

My first travel of 2018!

“Jo honthon se na keh saka harf woh bhi toh hai,

jo ankhon se na  beh saka dard woh bhi toh hai,

yaad hai sab, mujhe yaad hai…’

I wanted to start this article with a couple of thoughts; the first are the lines from a song I heard lately which has touched me deeply. Music is such a cruel yet sweet thing; it digs an old dagger on the heart and then another piece becomes the medication to seal the wound again... such is my life!

The second is appreciation for all those who follow my blog but to a couple of special folks who asked me ‘so when are you writing next? I am waiting to read’. I am deeply touched by this gesture because until now I thought I just write to let go, which I am still doing but today I know there are those out there who do read me and feel the emotions these words are put down with.

A special mention to someone who reached out to me acknowledging just how much my blog meant to her. It was overwhelming and rather like a ‘fairytale’!

To you, I say thank you but also that my footsteps are mine and my words don’t do justice to the life I have lived and continue to live, so my words should not be the way you should look at life or lead yours. I am indeed grateful to you!

I was looking at my blog and I realize I never wrote about my trip to the UK and Turkey last year – unbelievable! I am travelling to Islamabad tomorrow and 2 hours is a long enough flight. I hope if I hit the right nerve to write, I will pull out my laptop and write about that trip. A lot of emotions and feelings that I did collect and tremendous memories I hold. My photos will speak to this but I think I should write about it so Insha’Allah soon.

I am travelling for the National Ismaili games in Pakistan. I qualified as Karachi men’s number 2 in singles; again, unbelievable!  I look back at my journey of badminton and I don’t think I ever took the game that seriously. Mia Hamm said “somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for her.” In my case, clearly I replace the words girl with boy and her with him :p but this is a quote that justifies my badminton journey. I learnt the game from my best friend and never knew anything but to stand in front at the net and hit a shuttle that was in my range; anything else he would play it. Eventually I became the one who would pick everything and got someone to stand in front. It is indeed a fact that my doubles game is way better than singles and I am known to smash the person in front on the opposite end. Some may take that as unfair or whatever but hey! It is a game and not one for the weak-minded. I often tell people I am coaching that it is about your mind and a bit of fitness, not power. Manu think badminton is all about smashing; well that is why experience mostly beats power in the game. Anyways, so I am going for that tomorrow.

Allah, His mercy and His plans for us will never be understood by our tiny little intellect. The games were supposed to be last weekend but were changed. When they got changed, I was like ‘but why?’. Last weekend, I got shingles and had to be at home for 5 days in excruciating pain. The pain which is of the nerves is still there but at least now I am in some shape to travel and grateful that I can stand on court and last for a match or two. I don’t know the results or what will happen there, but whatever it will be, I am grateful to be a part of it and if or when I win, it will be my most courageous and satisfying win. One thing everyone who has played with me will tell you, there is no match the opponent just wins without me putting a fight!

I am also going to Lahore for a couple of days after the event in Islamabad. I am looking forward to that especially. I have planned to be at the Wagah border of India and Pakistan. It has been a long-standing wish to go to India but so far life has not allowed that. Let me hope that in future, an opportunity will take me to that part of the world. I look forward to capturing many photos on this trip and of course meeting my two friends I made in December in Islamabad.

Lastly, regardless of what the world has shown me, the rays of light and hope will always keep me going forward. My dad taught me never to give up or let life dictate terms so I will fight it, regardless of how low the path is!

Love & Peace,
Champ

PS: Why do I still use a nickname given to me by a friend who also left a dagger?! - I wonder!!