Don't let go...just move on!!

‘Strangers’, that’s how we all begin a journey with someone isn’t it? Somehow perhaps a certain hi or hello, a smile, a ‘like’ or a ‘follow’ considering today’s social media power sparks and breaks off the ice and a conversation begins. Personally, this initial stage is the hardest for me because I have been an introvert for as long as I can remember but once this is done and I begin to talk to someone, they learn that I am really a very talkative guy :p! Anyways, the fact that betrayals and lies are too much in supply and almost everyone is roaming with a mask around, the initial conversation really gives a glimpse of how strong this friendship might become because a majority of us are judging and trying to figure out who this person really is. Who is he/she? Can he/she be trusted? Leave trust, are they worth my time is the question we ask ourselves! And so the answers to those questions really then decide whether the friendship takes a step forward or becomes stagnant which in reality means, death! I believe a lot of people lose a potential genuine friend by making a misjudgment at this initial phase. Like a plant needs time to give you a flower, some people need time to really show you who they are; although this statement also goes for the ‘damaging’ ones!!

“We all begin as strangers but we also really get to decide who ends up as a stranger”, one of my favorite quotes. True isn’t it? We really decide who ends up a stranger as well. There are people we used to talk to daily as if the day wouldn’t pass without a talk with them or share every single feeling with but now they mean nothing; and I really mean nothing. We see them on social media as a mutual friend or around us if we are in the same country but we can’t bother to give them any attention whatsoever because of the pain they caused us. In all reality, we hate this individual but we never use that word of course because to hate someone is bad, ethically and also in the eyes of people and we of course want to look good so we don’t hate this person but we just don’t want them around; we just put it so nicely! Trust is everything but once broken, a sorry means nothing!! I also have a couple of strangers like this, one very recently and truly, “I don’t hate this person but…”

The last thing and probably the main thing I want to write about is when do we know it’s time to let someone go? And what is someone letting go mean anyways? Is it forgetting them because that is nearly impossible especially if you loved them, so how do you let go? I somewhat don’t believe in letting go but I believe in moving on. Someone will say but they are the same but are they? I have someone who scarred me like no one else did and ‘I let go’ and realized, I actually let my soul go and I lost more than I could bare. Very recently, we began talking again and I feel at peace. There are people that are ‘once in a lifetime people’ and losing them is the hardest thing one can face; she is that person to me. I don’t think anyone will understand her like I do or anyone will understand me like she does. The hope of finding someone who will love me for who I am is alive despite the darkness that ray of hope has seen thus far. I have moved on in the sense that I know me and her can’t be ‘that’ again and I have a life to live with countless opportunities which is what I am doing every single day of my life. Yes my thoughts and my beliefs have changed because of the pain and solitude, my look on life changed but there is nothing wrong in that! I do what I love like writing my blog without the fear of being judged, taking photos which is my greatest passion right now after flying/travelling and of course talking to and making new friends that I wouldn’t have done in the past; so yes, life is for us to live or for us to reject. 

Back to my question, when do I know it’s time to move on and for me the answer is very simple...when I begin compromising my happiness! Many a times, we are too blind to see that someone who can be our greatest admirer or companion is right in front of us but we are busy chasing illusions. As they say, people spend their life chasing stones when the diamond was begging to be theirs! 

"Life is a one-way lane..remember that everyday"

I end with one of my most favorite and heart wrenching lines from the book ‘The Half Girlfriend’:

‘I have a fear that I will never be able to get over someone I loved deeply’

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!

The Unity Games

It has become a ritual that almost every Easter, the Ismaili community in Eastern and Southern Africa gather and take part in the Unity games. Prior to this, I had the privilege of attending two games, both in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. This was the first time I was going to Mwanza and that too by road. Both previous times, we flew and so the journey wasn’t as hectic as this one looked to be. We knew that it was a 14-hour trip consisting of the first and major lag by road and a small portion by ferry. We left Kampala at 6 am although the time given was 4 am; a typical example of what we call ‘Khoja timing’; a concept I totally detest and do not believe in whatsoever! You know when you fly, you don’t feel the transition of one country to another but driving from Uganda to Tanzania, I had a unique feel as if my soul is being dissolved from one existence to another. It was a feeling I will never forget upon crossing the border. We were divided in two buses and of course I chose the quiet one which allowed me to read, listen to music, sleep and move around the bus. One of the things I loved was to put my face outside the window and feel the incoming wind although I was scared that my specs will fly away. Trust me, the scenery and views of the Kampala-Mwanza road are spectacular. If I was driving by myself in my car, I would have stopped at several spots and that would make the 14-hour journey probably an 18-hour one, LOL! We reached Mwanza at night at 8:00 pm; and oh at the end of the journey, we even drove without a head light; LUCKY TO BE ALIVE!! We went to the mosque in Mwanza then our hotel, quickly got ready and headed back for dinner and garba (a form of dance absolutely adored and loved). It rained but that never stopped anyone from dancing; after all, everyone was gathered to have fun!

 

The next morning was the opening ceremony and I loved it especially the unity games official song. After the ceremony everyone was served with breakfast and then the games began. I had registered in badminton and table tennis. Initially both were at different locations but thank God that they shifted table tennis to the mosque where badminton was hence decreasing my travel around but it affected us who were organizing badminton as table tennis occupied one of the only two courts we had; as they say, everything has a benefit and a drawback. I won’t go into every detail about the games but here is how I can describe the next two days…we used to sleep around 2 am and wake up at about 7:30 or 8 and reach for the games by 9 am. I was personally helping with badminton and therefore there was more pressure of both running the games and playing. This went on from Friday to Sunday evening till the closing ceremony. During the course of this, I witnessed rounders, swimming, table tennis, badminton, throw ball and cricket. As I was helping organize badminton, I couldn’t witness much of the games, take photos and have a more proper album on my Facebook page; this will be one of my regrets for these games.

What I want to write here about is how I lost a match which would ensure me to play in the semi-finals of the singles open. I lost it in anger and rage for someone who had tremendously bothered me during the organization of the games. When I began playing badminton, I used to play an amateur game (obviously) with a lot of power. I used to hit the shuttles hard and smash everything. Over the years, I learnt how to calm myself down and play a sensible game. I can describe myself best here using a quote: ‘somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a guy who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for him’. Today as I look back at that match, I realize I just did not play for that guy and I am also surprised because I never knew I still had the ability of having that much anger. I thought I had silenced that Rahim way back but clearly I did not so yes that loss to me left many lessons and a scar deep down me. I will never forget that loss and neither will I forget the people who hurt me. I am not in the business of holding grudges and so I threw them out of my life and moved past it but the lessons will help me in the future; and I will make sure of this.

Lastly, I am grateful and humbled by these games for two things mainly; my album and the friendships I took back with me. I have always been an introvert and making friends within a span of 2 or 3 days hasn’t been easy at all but I am glad this time I did make friends. I also received a massive reception and appreciation on my page because of my photos and for that, I say Shukar! #gratitude. It was a successful event and will remain special for all the good things and the lesson I learnt as well. 

For more photos: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.743223205794630.1073741859.468399296610357&type=1

Peace!

Cheers!

Champ!

A heart scattered on paper!

I have always looked to my pen whenever the emotions and feelings in my heart start to overflow. My most genuine friend lives miles abroad and fairly it doesn’t make a difference to our friendship but it would be nice to have him around here and just sit and talk to him rather than viber or whatsapp. None the less, I am fortunate that I have a journal and a blog to write upon whenever I feel burdened.

I have plenty of things on my mind right now but more so is anger. I feel someone I trusted a lot betrayed me. William Shakespeare said ‘trust not him that hath broken faith once’. I too will never trust some people anymore even though my heart wants to trust one of them. The truth is, almost everyone does betray us in one way or another but there are those who leave us with excruciating pain, usually the closest of them. The ethic that I follow most is honesty and I cannot bear lies. Neither do not prefer it nor do I accept it. When I look and think back, I see some strangers who were my closest at one point in time. I have deep grief for one of them and I wish we could re-start whereas anger towards another because I simply wish to erase them.

The second point I want to mention today is related to the first one; and it is that the anger is also directed towards my Creator. He who is above all else knows my desires and wishes so why can’t He allow me the change that I want in my life? My mother was explaining to me the other day why I am unable to get something abroad but for me, those are human excuses and I do not see them as a problem for the Almighty because He is the Creator and nothing is impossible for Him. I have prayed and prayed for this one thing that will open the gates of happiness for me but it hasn’t happened and I am certain that His plans are way better than my wishes but that doesn’t bring much relief. Yes I am patient and waiting but I lose it at times because I am human. At times you look at life and compare your desires to the ethics of your faith and they are aligned so well that you actually question ‘why you aren’t getting them?’

A last point is about the change that I want in my life. I want to move as far as possible from this city. I want to forget some of the people here and start a life with freedom and in dependency. I want to have a job, a car, a house and a life with my choices and decisions. I want to travel the world with whatever money I make. I also want to cater for my parents. To be honest, I am nothing like what I thought I would be some years down the line. It’s funny how people and the pain they cause us makes us change into something we never thought we could be. The more I think about this, I turn to my Lord and wish all I could do was pray.

I would like to end with a quote from one of my favorite books, ‘The Winner Stands Alone’ by Paulo Coelho. It is more so a dialogue from one of the characters;

‘…and yet he received nothing in return, not even understanding.’

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!