I have always looked to my pen whenever the emotions and
feelings in my heart start to overflow. My most genuine friend lives miles
abroad and fairly it doesn’t make a difference to our friendship but it would
be nice to have him around here and just sit and talk to him rather than viber
or whatsapp. None the less, I am fortunate that I have a journal and a blog to
write upon whenever I feel burdened.
I have plenty of things on my mind right now but more so is
anger. I feel someone I trusted a lot betrayed me. William Shakespeare said ‘trust not him that hath broken faith once’.
I too will never trust some people anymore even though my heart wants to trust
one of them. The truth is, almost everyone does betray us in one way or another
but there are those who leave us with excruciating pain, usually the closest of
them. The ethic that I follow most is honesty and I cannot bear lies. Neither do
not prefer it nor do I accept it. When I look and think back, I see some
strangers who were my closest at one point in time. I have deep grief for one
of them and I wish we could re-start whereas anger towards another because I
simply wish to erase them.
The second point I want to mention today is related to the
first one; and it is that the anger is also directed towards my Creator. He who
is above all else knows my desires and wishes so why can’t He allow me the
change that I want in my life? My mother was explaining to me the other day why
I am unable to get something abroad but for me, those are human excuses and I
do not see them as a problem for the Almighty because He is the Creator and
nothing is impossible for Him. I have prayed and prayed for this one thing that
will open the gates of happiness for me but it hasn’t happened and I am certain
that His plans are way better than my wishes but that doesn’t bring much
relief. Yes I am patient and waiting but I lose it at times because I am human.
At times you look at life and compare your desires to the ethics of your faith
and they are aligned so well that you actually question ‘why you aren’t getting
them?’
A last point is about the change that I want in my life. I
want to move as far as possible from this city. I want to forget some of the
people here and start a life with freedom and in dependency. I want to have a
job, a car, a house and a life with my choices and decisions. I want to travel
the world with whatever money I make. I also want to cater for my parents. To
be honest, I am nothing like what I thought I would be some years down the
line. It’s funny how people and the pain they cause us makes us change into
something we never thought we could be. The more I think about this, I turn to
my Lord and wish all I could do was pray.
I would like to end with a quote from one of my favorite
books, ‘The Winner Stands Alone’ by Paulo Coelho. It is more so a dialogue from
one of the characters;
‘…and yet he received nothing in return, not even
understanding.’
Cheers!
Peace!
Champ!
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