A float barely but not drowning!

The road of life is one that begins with darkness; in the womb and of course ends in darkness; the grave. I think I read this in a Robin Sharma book “when you came in the world, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice”.

There is a wedding in the family and yesterday in the first event of the program, they sang a song in remembrance of dad; I am certain he rejoiced while I definitely cried!

Life is never a flat ground; ups and lows are a part of life where we must suffer and burn to shine as well as enjoy the marvels for the time they last. I am a low right now; work being the central cause of stress, an MBA that I have to finish because Dad wanted me to and so does Mom, loneliness that has been my companion for ages, taking responsibility for the home after dad and managing finances; something I wasn’t good at and probably still aren’t, giving time to myself as well as family, etc. I am literally overwhelmed and swamped but I have faith that He who is above all else will lift me up high, if not fly but I won’t have to walk the battle alone. I have faith that He shall be with and by me all the time. 

My life has been challenging, like a lot of people but that is what life is meant to be, isn’t it? I have not drowned and that is one thing that I am so dearly grateful for. What is ironic is every time I hit a low, I think to myself wow this one is a tough one and will I make it? – next thing I know is months have passed and I am writing about how I fought the situation and I know a thing or two about struggling and never giving up. The same is today that I do not know when and how I will get past through this or what life holds for me for tomorrow but I am going to hope that it is for the better and that I will survive i.t me He give strength.

I am glad to have written something down today; I feel I needed to do so. I wrote because it isn’t the pleasant of times of life.

I want to conclude this article with a and image and the caption I used on my page yesterday that I snapped in Dubai.

Peace,

Champ!

The heart of a traveller!

I am currently on the road; or in the air, whatever suits the English language better and in about 10 day’s time, this will all be over. Much as this is purely a work related travel, I am very enthusiastic and excited about this phenomenon. I am in fact sad that it is about to end because my heart feels life when it travels, as if it were born to do just that. Today, I wish to write about this and in fact just as I have began this article, I am seated on top of my bag at an airport waiting for a colleague before we depart to the hotel…

I am composing this second paragraph from the airport again but this time I am at a restaurant waiting to receive someone – literally 24 hours have gone…I just did not manage to sit and finish the article yesterday!

I thoroughly enjoy travelling but when the road is ending, it is one of the most painful things for me; I guess it is human nature that we do not look forward to a new road but try and hold on to the existing. As each day passes, every moment that is gone, I realize I’m closer to the end of this trip. Considering how busy it will be commencing tomorrow, time is not going to be an ally; it never is actually; or it is if we make it our ally. Regardless, in the end, all time does is leave with us memories of things we can’t have, people we can’t meet or see again, places we can visit but never have the same feelings twice, and so much more that words will not touch. Time can never be our ally, it wasn’t meant to be one. He who is above all else has made time in such a manner that it teaches us to value the present moment, the people we have a chance to spend time with, because believe it or not, it takes a moment to change one’s life – take it from someone who knows the depth of that statement!

As I continue composing this article, I want to mention that I am currently at the Mara, nighttime, completely dark, a soothing cold breeze across and the silence as the soul craves.

This is my 4^th Safari Masha’Allah and I tell you this that the one constant feeling across is; I don’t want to return. It’s not about how good this lodge is or whatever but the sheer power of nature drives me towards it.

 

And this paragraph of this special article is being written at my favourite restaurant in Uganda, Café Javas. I want to say that I am a day away from returning back to Karachi and how painful is it to bid goodbye. On this trip, I have been to Tanzania twice, Kenya thrice, Uganda twice and even landed in Kigali briefly yesterday. It has by far been one of the most special trips because I have had the chance of working with a group of exceptionally dedicated individuals, learnt and interacted with outstanding achievers, laughed at some seriously intellectual humor, watched the King of the Jungle right up close in the safari, flew in a 19 and 12 seater aircraft, sat and took a photo as a pilot and much more. I ask myself, what reason do I have to complain to Him? After dad went, I think this kind of an experience was much needed and He gave it; I am so grateful. Shukar!

I conclude by saying I hit the road on 20^th July and this journey ends on 07^th August; that is like what; 17 days may be!! And I truly look forward to many more such trips… Ameen!

Peace!

Champ! 

My Dad!!

18^th June 2016…a date that changed my life forever. Within a span of a minute, literally a minute my life went in to a direction where it can never be the same again. My favorite poet, Ahmed Faraz once wrote; kuch aise hadsay bhi hojate hai zindagi main Faraz, insaan bach toh jata hai mager zinda nahin rehta which means there are certain events in one’s life that one survives but doesn’t remain alive anymore. It has been 4 weeks to the day when he left me; my dad; but I think of him every single day and much as people say give it time, I will say time can’t take away memories. Time in fact doesn’t heal wounds, just teaches us how to live with them. Aren’t memories meant to remind us of the people who have left us whether intentionally or because it was the end of their journey on this planet? Reflecting on my life, He began preparing me for this since February 2010! Anyways, today, this article, I just want to write it for my dad…

It is funny that when he was alive, I wouldn’t think of him as much despite being in another country because somehow I knew he is there but now that he is gone a world apart, my heart weeps and craves for his company. I still go back to my last conversation with him, and to the funeral, and my eyes give in. I can still hear his voice, re-call his words to me, all the words of guidance, the expressions of his love for me; I miss every ounce of it. He used to tell me always that ‘one shouldn’t attempt to drink the ocean’s water in a single day’ when I used to attempt to eat all the chocolates in one day. Back then, I hated it and would think why is he being so tough? Today, I wish I could hear him say it to me. I find immense wisdom in his words today and I will always remember them till the moment I take my last breath.

I still can’t believe it to be honest. I feel like this is just a dream and I will wake up and find him close by. I guess indeed I will find him close by but that is when I leave too. My dad was someone who I have picked a lot of ethics and habits from. I firmly believe in loyalty, honesty and just being that I am without any pretending. The other person who I know of; knew of with these qualities was him. He would never pretend or hide who he was. The more I think of him, the more I miss and the more I lose myself. In fact, I have lost a huge part of myself when I lost him. The world seems to have lost color somewhere for me. I don’t think I can write anymore and I haven’t done justice to my feelings either with this article because the depth of my tears couldn’t match this but I just want to end by telling everyone that if you have your parents, learn to respect, love and appreciate them. I honestly have no regrets because even the last time I spoke to him, I told him that I love him but you may not get that chance. Life is indeed very unpredictable and shorter than the gap between two of our heartbeats so do not waste time. The only time we are guaranteed of is the current breath and certainly not the next. And yes, Dad, I love you and I just miss you so much!

“Jabse lagi hai chot dil ki gehrayion main,

Muskurate maine khud ko tasveeron main bhi nahin dekha”

[Ever since I have been hurt deeply in my heart, I haven’t seen myself smile even in photos]

 PS: I know translations take away all the depth of the script but I gotta do it anyways. I don't know if people even read my blog but assuming someone does, a universal language it is!

Peace!

Champ!

Working at a hospital!

“Reflect upon your present blessings -- of which every man has many -- not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some” – Charles Dickens

Today, I was buying coffee at the shop I everyday do before heading to the library and one of the security guards walked in and asked for biscuit. The biscuit was 17 rupees and he thought for a minute before buying it where as my coffee was 110 rupees and I don’t think even for a second before spending that amount. Now it is quite true that my pay must be like at least three times his but that one moment impacted me! I was telling my cousin today that working in a hospital can really make you realize just how blessed you are. Even when you are a non-medical staff member like myself, you get to see people who are in so much pain and problems that it should make you reflect; at least it does to me that ‘how lucky am I’. You can lack money, material possessions, a loved one, friends etc. but you have your eyes hence sight, you can move around with your legs, lift things with hands, etc.; these my friend are blessings, and like all humans do, we never value something till we have it. Today I saw someone being taken on a stretcher and he looked very serious and my heart just sank like it did the other day when I saw someone’s head stitched and he was being transferred. I am just grateful!!

I see folks from all walks of life at the hospital with their stories in their eyes but one thing is so common – there is a solid shield or at least an attempt at having a solid shield to hide the truth. What is interesting is you can take a walk around the hospital thinking about all your issues but the moment the heart starts to reflect on the problems the people there are facing, yours seem nothing. As I said, if a hospital can’t bring humility in you, then I don’t know what place is good enough to do so!

The other purpose of writing this article was to mention a little about my time here in Karachi and how my day looks like. Karachi is very hot at the moment to be honest. The humidity is a killer!! I never felt like this in Dar too – this actually reminds me of my 3 days in Dubai in July 2014 when I was returning from Mauritius post my graduation. KILLER!
I am adapting to the change of city at the moment like I have always done. It has been a month and a half already and I am yet to actually photograph it but every now and then I manage to pull out my camera. The sunset on campus is absolutely mesmerizing. If you ask me, Karachi has one of the best sunsets I have witnessed. Like every day, I fall in love with it all over again! I find people in this city assume they have all the time in the world which is quite frustrating. Shops open so late and that’s just argh like are you kidding me?! You might think I do not like Karachi as I am critical of it but I love it here only that I can’t shy away from the truth. The amount of diversity I see here in Karachi is so much that wow! It is a brilliant city to live in to be honest, of course you must have a good sustainable financial source.

My days are packed to be honest. I feel I have packed them that way. I work till 6:30 or so in the evening and then go for badminton and table tennis till 9pm and then study for my MBA for a couple of hours. I like to keep myself busy because then I do not find time to think about my so-called issues or so. I of course spend half an hour with myself every single day from 11 to 11:30pm. How long can I keep up this tough schedule – I do not know but let us see!

Lastly, what is it that is lacking and I want…an apartment, a car and yes, a girlfriend. Isn’t it amazing when you know what you want? :p on this note, this article comes to an end.. I feel quite happy to have written in a different style today and not been so serious as I always tend to be when I am writing.

Peace!

Champ!

The Eye that Reads!

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”  - Jodi Picoult

Have you ever looked at someone in a public place and thought to yourself ‘this person is this, this and that’? Have you ever tried to see through the first layer that people are showing to the world? Have you ever tried to read someone; not judge but read? To my surprise, I think what started for me as something I would do once in a while, I now do it with love and passion. During a recent conversation with someone, she said “when you have so much loneliness in your heart such that you are completely alone even when you’re amongst people, I guess you learn to see through people easily”. I couldn’t agree more!!
“I am so used to the pain that when I don’t get pain now, it hurts” – Ahmed Faraz. Loneliness isn’t about being alone is a lone place, sometimes you can be surrounded by the world and still be lonely as ever; and as painful as it is, no one will ever know.

I do not like places that are very crowded because they make me feel what my heart hides otherwise – solitude. The one thing that I love to do when I go to public places is I love to read people. I choose a place from where I can see everyone or a majority of people, my instinct selects the person I intend to read and I observe. I know this sounds weird, awkward and honestly I may be perceived as weird I guess but well, the heart does what it wants! I do get it right a lot of the times and I wonder how but when you live in a vacuum, you develop an eye to see through people. It doesn’t take me long to discover who is how and I am honestly so glad about this. The one benefit to me too is that people don’t know that I am trying to read them and so they keep behaving the way they would.

So I guess today, all I wanted to talk about is this reading of people. I do not know if I made any sense but hey, it is to let go of my thoughts and feelings as to why I write. I appreciate all those who do read my blog once in a while.

This article could have been written a lot better but when I sat to write it, I couldn’t complete it and now that I am completing it, I am not in that flow of heart as I was that day – so the lesson to take it, when the heart wants me to write something, I should go on and complete it.

Peace!

Champ!

Destiny...Our Choice

"I envy birds..they fly and have the guts to choose their destiny"

“Defeat is a choice, so is victory. Thus we have the power of choice”

I quote these particular lines of a paragraph I read in an article I was reading this morning. Further ahead in the article was a line ‘only you can turn yourself around…if you really want’. I kept pondering all morning, we all want and desire something or someone right? “Leave everyone else, what do you want?” my heart screamed to me. For someone like me, answers to such questions are not very hard to get because I keep talking to myself and seeking answers about my life. It is a very powerful thing you know – talking to oneself. Many people keep asking, ‘where is The Almighty?’ Well, the answer is very simple… He is in your heart, in yourself but we look everywhere, except there! We look for Him in the riches of the wealthy, in the health of the healthy, in the happiness of the joyful ones but He resides in the hands of a laborer, in the thirst of the thirsty, in the prayers of a believer, in the sweat of the tired, in the tears of the broken, in a loving heart…well, that is where He is!!

So yes, we all have ambitions and dreams but whether we chase them, is totally upon us. I am pretty unsure about my career because there is so much that I could do but there is only so much that I can; and I am told that I have to let go of something, but am I willing to do that? I know my greatest ambition and passion is to travel and take photos but at the same time, I have to think about my family, my desire to serve the community and build a name; all different paths with different outcomes so yes, you can say I am at crossroads. My faith in Him is powerful enough that my solution may sound absurd to many, but reality is, faith is a very unique thing to each of us and what is absurd to someone, makes absolute sense to someone else; say like an artist who throws various colors in different directions on the canvas, to a layman, it may seem he is doing nothing but the eyes of the artist know what is going on and how beautiful this messed up, jumbled up colors will look. He knows what is best for me and so He will never let me go on a path that isn’t meant for me and so I keep trying with equal efforts for the paths I want to be on and see where life takes me. Some people have been critical to me about this approach but I tell myself why care on someone’s words when they mean near to nothing. My family especially my parents respect my decisions and that is sufficient and good enough for me rather than these other people.

I am definitely going to make a change in my life in terms of my work place. I have always believed if something is making you unhappy whether be a habit or working with someone, change it and I have come to realize that working with some people is causing me stress therefore I will make sure I eliminate them from my life. I am not someone who wants to make work his life and evading my private time is a source of great displeasure for me and I am not going to allow anyone to do that. I am also sure that when I leave, the effect will be felt although now it isn’t seen. You value something/someone when you lose it; I am sure they will too!
I am trying my best to look for something and I do hope and pray, I get it sooner. People are afraid of change but I am willing to look for that change which will make me happier. I think these past 10 odd months have taught me a lot and I have improved professionally but I am not going to allow myself to be unhappy on the name of ‘professional development’. I know some or a lot of people will disagree and say ‘hard work is everywhere’. I have never been afraid of hard work but I want to work with the people who are right for me. I end with what I started… ‘…we have the power of choice’.

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!