Author's note: This piece is perhaps the 2nd part of a 3 piece series on the theme of unrequited love, choosing to love or let go and the sheer pain of a whipping heart, who is learning to move on...
I was quite clear on the path I had chosen to walk.
A path of temporary intimacies; sometimes just a night!!
As I strode this path, a message out of the blue changed quite a bit.
A path of temporary intimacies; sometimes just a night!!
As I strode this path, a message out of the blue changed quite a bit.
She <DM’d> me!
That is all it took to disrupt the flow of my life. Was it for good or bad? Tough one to answer, I’d say!
Her presence in my life all of a sudden made me believe again.
Believe in happy endings; as if one was even written for me!
Every wall I had ever made, just came down crumbling without me realizing,
The more we spoke, every chord of my heart cuddled with her heartbeats,
But her absence now has made one thing crystal clear,
The path I had initially chosen was the one made and meant for me.
I am more than determined to stick to this path,
Pain is inevitable but we can surely choose the one we don't want,
Love is the biggest con and illusion in the world,
And it seems I was destined to forever find people I could not be with.
That is all it took to disrupt the flow of my life. Was it for good or bad? Tough one to answer, I’d say!
Her presence in my life all of a sudden made me believe again.
Believe in happy endings; as if one was even written for me!
Every wall I had ever made, just came down crumbling without me realizing,
The more we spoke, every chord of my heart cuddled with her heartbeats,
But her absence now has made one thing crystal clear,
The path I had initially chosen was the one made and meant for me.
I am more than determined to stick to this path,
Pain is inevitable but we can surely choose the one we don't want,
Love is the biggest con and illusion in the world,
And it seems I was destined to forever find people I could not be with.
I am significantly tired; exhausted actually of climbing high walls,
Only then be asked to join the crowd outside the door.
I thought I had passed being emotionally involved,
I actually thought I was safe from the heartaches,
But for the past couple months have re-awakened every crack within,
Cracks along the scars left by the impossibilities I have met in life,
It seems my heart is filled with darkness and loneliness,
Even those walking towards me as light, fade the closer they come...
Heartaches are perhaps like the roundabouts of our life,
Love seems to be a straight road until you arrive at the roundabout,
Life presents you with choices and it will be unwise to continue straight,
So, all of this turmoil has only made me strengthen my walls more,
Only then be asked to join the crowd outside the door.
I thought I had passed being emotionally involved,
I actually thought I was safe from the heartaches,
But for the past couple months have re-awakened every crack within,
Cracks along the scars left by the impossibilities I have met in life,
It seems my heart is filled with darkness and loneliness,
Even those walking towards me as light, fade the closer they come...
Heartaches are perhaps like the roundabouts of our life,
Love seems to be a straight road until you arrive at the roundabout,
Life presents you with choices and it will be unwise to continue straight,
So, all of this turmoil has only made me strengthen my walls more,
There is no point in chasing shadows, I remind myself every day now,
So as Miranda Kenneally once said, “When unrequited love is the most expensive thing on the menu,
sometimes you settle for the daily special”
Unlike bulbs, emotions and feelings don’t have a switch button,
You can’t love and unlove people at their request.
If it were true, I'd be madly in love with Deepika or Katrina; I mean I love them anyways :p
So, once you fall down the hole, there is no ladder really to climb back either.
So as Miranda Kenneally once said, “When unrequited love is the most expensive thing on the menu,
sometimes you settle for the daily special”
Unlike bulbs, emotions and feelings don’t have a switch button,
You can’t love and unlove people at their request.
If it were true, I'd be madly in love with Deepika or Katrina; I mean I love them anyways :p
So, once you fall down the hole, there is no ladder really to climb back either.
You can’t "control Z" or backspace to erase what you felt.
Quite frankly, there is only one way for you to survive;
Walk away for the time being, as far as you can,
Until your heart feels at ease and makes its peace,
Peace with the fact that they weren't yours, to begin with,
That they chose something or someone over you, and it is okay,
They had that right of choice, and so do you; use it wisely, walk away!
Because trust me, she already did, yet you are standing where you were,
Hand-stretched out thinking she will hold it back, but she is long gone... long gone...
And so move on! Someday maybe, you might find it okay to be around her,
Perhaps even laugh and have a conversation without feeling angry, at her!
A conversation just like old times, yet the reality would be anything but old times.
Remember, she chose to lose what you two had. She walked away, so don't blame yourself for doing the same,
The only thing worse than heartbreak is being someone's second choice,
And you do not deserve that. Remember that...
It won't be easy though! Loneliness will catch up and walk beside you.
You will be judged for choosing this path but do not care about people,
They did not go through what you did,
They don't know what it is like to look at your phone, which has no notifications with her name on,
This 'rebellious' path you have chosen is full of partners and meaningless intimacies.
Powerful moments I must say, but not what they would have been with her,
Quite frankly, there is only one way for you to survive;
Walk away for the time being, as far as you can,
Until your heart feels at ease and makes its peace,
Peace with the fact that they weren't yours, to begin with,
That they chose something or someone over you, and it is okay,
They had that right of choice, and so do you; use it wisely, walk away!
Because trust me, she already did, yet you are standing where you were,
Hand-stretched out thinking she will hold it back, but she is long gone... long gone...
And so move on! Someday maybe, you might find it okay to be around her,
Perhaps even laugh and have a conversation without feeling angry, at her!
A conversation just like old times, yet the reality would be anything but old times.
Remember, she chose to lose what you two had. She walked away, so don't blame yourself for doing the same,
The only thing worse than heartbreak is being someone's second choice,
And you do not deserve that. Remember that...
It won't be easy though! Loneliness will catch up and walk beside you.
You will be judged for choosing this path but do not care about people,
They did not go through what you did,
They don't know what it is like to look at your phone, which has no notifications with her name on,
This 'rebellious' path you have chosen is full of partners and meaningless intimacies.
Powerful moments I must say, but not what they would have been with her,
You will perfect lines like 'your place or mine' or 'call me maybe?’
You will be called names and be seen as weak, but that is okay.
At the core you know; you chose love wholeheartedly until she did not.
Every single time you gave love a chance, it slapped you and walked away,
so, you embarked on a different road and did not invite your heart along.
I mean you still packed your numb heart which is now like a rock,
but the only rocks that matter on this road are below your belt,
Your social media will have stories and photos of you, each time at a different place and with a different someone.
Your friends will think you are the luckiest and will envy you,
However, not realizing that every night, your pillow is wetter than where your fingers were! That deep down, you are filled with the pain of not being enough for someone.
But, you will survive! Because in the end, just like love, heartbreaks aren't forever!
You will be called names and be seen as weak, but that is okay.
At the core you know; you chose love wholeheartedly until she did not.
Every single time you gave love a chance, it slapped you and walked away,
so, you embarked on a different road and did not invite your heart along.
I mean you still packed your numb heart which is now like a rock,
but the only rocks that matter on this road are below your belt,
Your social media will have stories and photos of you, each time at a different place and with a different someone.
Your friends will think you are the luckiest and will envy you,
However, not realizing that every night, your pillow is wetter than where your fingers were! That deep down, you are filled with the pain of not being enough for someone.
But, you will survive! Because in the end, just like love, heartbreaks aren't forever!
Peace!
Champ!
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