Love or ... (Part 3)

Author's note: I had initially thought this would be a 3 part series but I think it will be more than that. There is still plenty I need to let go of my heart and in bits and pieces, I keep scribbling away. I share the following stanzas for the time being...

It feels odd and strange to be back in the game, isn’t it?

You look at a pretty someone somewhere and want to approach,

But your feet don’t move in the direction of your lust,

A simple ‘hello’ becomes quite a challenge for you to say,

As tough as the physics theory paper felt back in high school,

Your heart says, ‘you’re nuts for choosing your nuts over me’,

We all crave intimacy, so do you, nothing wrong, but this is anything but,

You still fantasize the two of you, walking along the beach on a full moon night,

Or seated at the shore, holding hands as the waves crashed into you,

A strong breeze blowing across to engulf you both in goosebumps,

And a lightening in the background would occur as your lips touched hers,

As if God were applauding you both from the Heavens saying ‘Maktub’

But there is no thunder anymore in life; literally and figuratively,

You gave her the you that was lost and shattered ages back,

And she has made sure to erase every last bit of him, forever…

She used to be the last thing on your mind at sunset and the first at sunrise,

But she is slowly fading and becoming the second thing,

For this, I am happy for you; for every ounce of your silent, shattered heart,

The truth is, you deserve to be with more than just shadows,

You deserve hands, which will fit and remain in yours despite the noise,

You deserve to walk with feet, which will not walk away at the first sight of attachment,

Or rather, the fear of attachment,

Love on the road of life is like fog and that can be very scary indeed,

But the blurriness is God’s way of making us choose the path,

We can choose the sunrise together as the path clears itself,

Or we can create a storm and lightening for the other,

I am afraid, she left you in the rain as she walked towards shelters,

But I don't blame her you know, though clearly, it looks like I am,

I made this very choice some years back, and I guess this is karma,

I turned down love for my freedom; she has done the same on behalf of those others...

Come to think about it, I think it was better to remain social media acquaintances,

I wouldn’t have ‘got’ her, even though temporarily it was,

But then, I wouldn’t have lost her either,

Perhaps I haven’t fully lost her as yet, but I am doing a fine job of it,

I am erasing every last shred of my existence from her breaths; her thoughts; her life,

And that does not make me happy or satisfied at all,

It hurts even more; way more than she can possibly imagine,

I’d want nothing more than to stabilize us, whatever remaining it may be,

But I am not sure she wants the same anymore, especially after what she said today,

She wasn't just another wave in my life; she was the ocean, the one I thought I'd never get!

And yes, perhaps I never deserved it, hence here I am, all alone, even rejected by her memory,

As I type this, I am seated outside my beach house in the middle of a storm,

The ocean is rough, and the wind is blowing everything in its path,

Not to forget the darkness all around due to a total cloud cover,

Allah is making me witness my life after her, right here, right now…

Peace!
Champ!