"Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life" - Merle Shain
Author's note: I am hoping that this piece will help those few select who read me, reflect on their lives and choices. Many of us find ourselves at a crossroads where we either choose to be with someone we connect with or let go and continue life by ourselves. I have pretty much always opted for the 'solo' path after discovering that the emotional one does not do well for me but this seemed to have changed temporarily. I am hoping that for those who are encountering such a scenario, this piece brings out the feeling of what it is like to be on either end of the decision, and I hope, I sincerely hope, you choose to love...
Watching the sunset from one of the viewpoints I discovered on this beautiful island of Koh Samui, I am wondering which direction life is sending me. In just a matter of a week or so, life has taken a U-turn it seems or just a turn, to a path I felt I had let go ages back; a path I had forgotten; a path I seemed to purposely ignore existed; the path where one does not walk alone, the path of walking with 2 shadows at the back; the path where even a wanderer finally finds a destination.
Some days later, I see that the path has faded and this time, after a very long time, the decision to let go isn’t mine, it is of the person who I hoped to walk with. I guess this is karma, for all those times when I said no to the folks who wanted to walk with me. Life has a very funny of way operating in that it will surprise you by showing you light in a dark tunnel and just as you walk towards it, what seemed a source of light is merely a reflector asking you to turn, once again… As a wanderer for as long as I can remember, I have walked alone, of course with small periods of having someone in my life but never a firm sense of commitment and I was used to it but these past couple of weeks reminded me of how beautiful life can be with someone as well as in it and I don’t understand why it would do so, if it were to only be a temporary thing. My best friend once cautioned me about giving in so much of myself to the relationships/friendships in my life because he knows I give in way more of myself than I should and eventually it leads to hurt.
Thinking about this one, one may say that it was really short so why so much thought behind it? I don’t quantify my connections with someone. There is no concrete time frame for someone to become valuable in one’s life. There are people you know over years who at the end of the day are purely acquaintances and then there are those who just walk in and blow your mind away, so who is determining how much time is sufficient to feel a connect? Shitu and I became friends in 2004 and have been best friends for 16 years, Alhamdulilah! However, I have not seen him for 15 years! In 2005, he left for US and we haven’t met since then! We used to send each other 1 email in months during the times of Yahoo and Hotmail messenger, I have forgotten his b’days (as I don’t remember b’days really) and even missed his marriage. If you ask him, he will not mention the last 2 points I did because his heart chose me as a person and not the distance or the time difference that separates us. Regardless of who I meet, Shitu is irreplaceable in my life! Mind you, I know other folks much longer than I know Shitu but that means little to nothing. Connections, clicks are ‘maktub’ and should not be time quantified…
This is an emotionally written and driven piece, as are most of my other pieces but lastly, I wish to say that if possible, if even 0.01% possibility exists, choose love. A relationship or love, the purest and truest one at least is not prison sentence or a rope that hold you down. It is like the 2nd tire to your bike, the 2nd wing or engine to the aircraft that will add lift to your flight so instead of letting fear get the better of you, try walk a few steps with the person and see. I have to admit that I have always chosen the other path, so it is very ironic that my advice today is this. Time and time again, life offered me someone I could walk with and quite honestly, I ran away from that but today when I seemed to have found my destination, it has opted to do the same to me, and it sucks! I wanted to conclude this piece with a 2 liner I have deeply loved over the years:
“do hi dinn kathin guzre hai zindagi main,
ek uske ane se pehle, ek uske jaane kay baad”
Peace!
Champ!
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