This piece was written on 2 different days. The first 3 paragraphs are the original ones from a day when life seemed, as I have said, empty or meaningless. I have completed this on the island of Phangan at 0134 under the magical, serene, blessed and soothing sound of the waves and a powerful sea breeze - love nights like these!
Do you also have days, when you just feel so…empty…like life has no purpose; like life is as dark as the road on a moonless night; like you just don’t understand why you are here, on this planet; like you have everything you could possibly ask for, more so what others dream of having, yet you feel like there is so much missing; like there is a hollow gap deep within your heart, within your soul, within your existence; like you are so exhausted of the journey and just want Him to call you now; do you also have days like these?
I couldn’t be more grateful and blessed right now but there are days like today when all of this just doesn’t make sense to me. Why am I here? Why am I existing? Time seems to have stopped and everything around me blurred. I cannot explain it with words but nothing, even my beloved travels do not make sense at all. The irony is, to escape this emptiness, I want to travel more. My heart feels like taking shelter in an unknown land but how can a traveller ever escape their own shadow? Regardless of where I go, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts come along. So where can I really go?
On days like today, I look for reasons or answers to silence this noise. Perhaps I should stop wandering and find that someone who can be more than just a friend, but then I reflect and look at all those times when all those potentials just walked away, leaving me with even more darkness! It was like they were matchsticks giving temporary light when I had presumed that they were the sunrises. I am not saying I do not crave to have sunset walks with someone or sit by the beach at night, hand in hand while listening to those waves; I am just saying, perhaps I am not destined for such dreams.
Perhaps the answer is what it has always been: travel. Everything I have earned materially; I have spent it towards my dream of seeing more and more of the world. No one will ever understand why and how I do it – even I don’t sometimes! I just absorb and feel grateful for this blessing. As I type and conclude this piece, I am on the island of Koh Phangan, it is 0119 and I am listening to the waves, alone under the moonlight – I would be crazy not to feel humbled. I travel for moments, like these…
Perhaps the answer is my mom, who I haven’t met for 20 months now and that must be catching up with me. A week back home could solve it all.
Perhaps it is service, which has always been a fundamental pillar and ethic of my life. For me, very few things bring more happiness than the blessing of being able to give back.
Well, reflecting on all of this, I realize I am running, the faster the better and happier I am…I have always known that deep down, there is a very hollow space in my heart, and that is okay. Someone who I once had the privilege of knowing, wrote about how we all put on masks. I am just waiting for the day someone uncovers all of mine for me! Until then, I will take relief in that I belong to the fortunate few, who have found ways of covering our loneliness, our emptiness…
Peace!
Champ!
I couldn’t be more grateful and blessed right now but there are days like today when all of this just doesn’t make sense to me. Why am I here? Why am I existing? Time seems to have stopped and everything around me blurred. I cannot explain it with words but nothing, even my beloved travels do not make sense at all. The irony is, to escape this emptiness, I want to travel more. My heart feels like taking shelter in an unknown land but how can a traveller ever escape their own shadow? Regardless of where I go, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts come along. So where can I really go?
On days like today, I look for reasons or answers to silence this noise. Perhaps I should stop wandering and find that someone who can be more than just a friend, but then I reflect and look at all those times when all those potentials just walked away, leaving me with even more darkness! It was like they were matchsticks giving temporary light when I had presumed that they were the sunrises. I am not saying I do not crave to have sunset walks with someone or sit by the beach at night, hand in hand while listening to those waves; I am just saying, perhaps I am not destined for such dreams.
Perhaps the answer is what it has always been: travel. Everything I have earned materially; I have spent it towards my dream of seeing more and more of the world. No one will ever understand why and how I do it – even I don’t sometimes! I just absorb and feel grateful for this blessing. As I type and conclude this piece, I am on the island of Koh Phangan, it is 0119 and I am listening to the waves, alone under the moonlight – I would be crazy not to feel humbled. I travel for moments, like these…
Perhaps the answer is my mom, who I haven’t met for 20 months now and that must be catching up with me. A week back home could solve it all.
Perhaps it is service, which has always been a fundamental pillar and ethic of my life. For me, very few things bring more happiness than the blessing of being able to give back.
Well, reflecting on all of this, I realize I am running, the faster the better and happier I am…I have always known that deep down, there is a very hollow space in my heart, and that is okay. Someone who I once had the privilege of knowing, wrote about how we all put on masks. I am just waiting for the day someone uncovers all of mine for me! Until then, I will take relief in that I belong to the fortunate few, who have found ways of covering our loneliness, our emptiness…
Peace!
Champ!
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