26 Mar 2021

The Door In Between...

This piece is dedicated to each and every member of my Al-ilm family. I am indebted, forever for your love; your compassion; your patience; your respect; the moments of banter; the incredible memories, laughter and above all, your tolerance and acceptance (of me)! It means way more than I shall ever be able to express.

I heard someone once say, ‘there is a door between me and Him’. I cannot express enough the magnitude and depth to which I echo this line. When I look back at my life and there have been so many moments when I have seen, felt and touched this door, but it hasn’t opened, not as yet… I have always felt His presence right across and as much as I have prayed, whipped and begged; that one line, as faded as it is, hasn’t moved. You know what though, I am so grateful that it hasn’t because it keeps reminding me that I need to elevate myself further. It reminds me that there is a long way ahead and much must be done on my part to cross over. It keeps me grounded, just where I belong!
 
It is 0541, I am on a ferry to Donsak pier listening to Wohi Khuda hai by Atif Aslam: some moments can’t be put to words. I am heading to Bangkok to attend Navroz. How can I possibly express how grateful I am to He who is above all else!
I don’t think my words will ever do justice. I seem to have found home on the island of Koh Samui, as if this is where I belong and I don’t want to leave. It surprises me a lot because I am not one to settle down in one place, but this island seems to have synced with my soul. In fact, it is not just the island but the country itself that has grown on me, and does so more, each passing day!
 
When I resigned from the University, my only regret was not being able to work for Him anymore, because that is the primary reason with which I joined. 16 months later, I can say He has continued to bestow me with opportunities serve Him, especially through camps, which I am most passionate about – again, I am so grateful to Him.
 
Al Ilm is my family in ANZ! I have never met any one of them physically, but that doesn’t make a difference at all to what they mean to me! 4 days of camp felt too short!! It was Dec 2020 when I heard about the camp and expressed my interest to serve. I was glad that my application was accepted but as a facilitator – not my cup of tea. I was very happy to be a part of it, but I shared that I’d rather do logistics, which again, when I was accepted into the role, I was humbled. The one thing that I admired most about the team and the leadership was their acceptance of me without any bias, any judgement - this meant so much to me; even more so now!!
We discussed on our 1st logistics call about the Zoom logistics and at the first core team meeting that I attended, Alykhan (head of the logistics team) put me on the spot to share with everyone – I blanked out! Shanik saved me!! :p It was a “maro mujhe moment” I thought to myself, I am supposed to be the guy who knows about Zoom and here I am *facepalm*. Then…I slept during one of our meetings, Jesus! Well, it was at 0400 and I decided to take it from my bed – big mistake!! I thought to myself ‘a relatively experienced logistics volunteer, who blanks out and sleeps during meetings’ – what a reputation Rahim!!
 
I earned myself the nickname “naming conventions”. Hosting calls; refusing to give co-host access: p; playing old-school music; being too critical at times; joining 2 zoom lines at once (and making the folks in the lounge attend sessions: p); always being in awe and sheer admiration of the talent, unity and bond of the team; taking the funny screenshots; discussing big boss; the Spotify playlist; the final day chaotic vibe; the emotional beginnings and endings; learning how to play 21; ‘maro muje maro’ and being a member of the famous ‘unfiltered break-out room #4’ – there is just so much to miss about the camp!
 
No 2 camps are ever the same and it is unfair to compare because each brings its own set of lessons, memories, friendships. It is also not fair for me to take any 1 particular name either because I made friendships and bonds all across, unique understandings and wavelengths with the different members of the team, but the camp allowed me to meet someone who I saw glimpses of myself in. I always say that he is a way more talented and focused version of me!! His honesty to serve with a purpose and dedication will be something I will always admire and give an example of. He will always be my bhai.
 
I carry the thoughts of each one of them with me. I pray for them. I am taking the first flight to Australia post Covid-19 restrictions being lifted – I am determined to do that, or they come to Thailand!!
 
This piece does not do justice at all, especially to a camp that brought a lot of meaning and happiness for me. I once again want to say that the way each member of the team accepted me, I am indebted!
 
I want to conclude by saying: there are moments when the door between Him and I is no more; I feel His presence right across me; I feel He is holding my hand and guiding me through – moments when I serve. It hurts me to see ‘narcissistic egos’ getting in the way of one’s inclusion to serve but I have confidence and faith in Him, and He will guide me (and others) through. I know this for a fact! I have faith!
 
 Peace!
Champ!

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