5 Apr 2018

Instincts of an Introvert

A couple of folks, probably two who value my blog the most keep asking me ‘when are you posting next?’ I wish to tell them here that I only write when my heart feels it is time to let go, so it takes the right mood and timing. I also want to express deep gratitude for their appreciation and love towards this.
There are a number of thoughts in my mind right now, which I wish to express and as always, I don’t know if I will make sense but here we go…

As an introvert, there is a deep underlying pain as a result of not being able to approach someone. I have often said that sometimes you look or meet someone and your instinct tells you ‘get to know her’, but then you just can’t do it. Something somewhere deep within you is like that invisible barrier or wall that just doesn’t seem to lower down or fade. To others, this all sounds like an excuse but trust me, it is there and it is not a pretty one! Mark Twain said ‘some years down the line, you will regret things you did not do more than what you actually did’– I couldn’t agree anymore!!

I read someone’s blog who is nearing the end of her journey at a University as an intern in a foreign country and about to return back home, sadly someone I have known only for less than 24 hours. A line to quote is “…and next week will come time to wrap up and head home”. I was thrown back to 2014 when I was ending my final year in Mauritius and was heading back home after 8 months, which rather felt like 8 years. I had never been away from Dad or Mom for such a long time; well and today, Dad left me some 21 months back. Isn’t life a test all together? Amazing as it is, we think we are not strong enough to take something yet after a period of time, we stand still and look back to realize just how much we more we have gone through. It makes me resilient to know how much stronger I have become after all that is thrown and keeps getting thrown at me.

I also realize there are a number of things I thought I will write about and share but haven’t, like my UK/Turkey trip or my upcoming Summer trip, or my participation in Jubilee Arts and hope to go to Lisbon; trust me so much I could say and I hope some day I do sit down to write it all out. For now, I will touch on the Jubilee Arts bit because I feel it is necessary to do so.
I ended up in the Nationals of the Pakistan competition and did not make it to the International Arts competition where Ismaili artists from all over the globe will take part. Disappointed? Yes! I was hoping to go through but I will trust His plan for me, like I always have.
I was hoping to not only visit Lisbon but Krakow as well in the process; for Auschwitz has been a long-standing item on my bucket list.

So I conclude my thoughts with this; I would love to get to know more of this someone, the way is very blur but at least there is a way. As an instinct person, something somewhere clicked!
I am a wanderer on the path of life, moving along blurred paths that I don’t seem to completely understand many a times, searching but not lost for sure; and I trust Him to move me in only the direction where He wants me.

To the person I dedicate this article to:
I hope to read ‘emotions’ more than updates in the blog in future.”

 Peace,
Champ!

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