Numbness

“Ab toh dard sehne ki itni aadat hogayi hai Faraz,

Jab dard nahin hota toh dard hota hai”

I am so used to bearing the pain, Faraz,

When I don’t get pain, I feel hurt!

What a deep thought Faraz has expressed so simply in the lines above. From the time I first read this couplet, it has related to my soul, it is as if he wrote it for me. You know how you get something in such quantity that you become used to it; solitude, loneliness and eventually pain have been those elements for me, and much to my delight, travel is becoming a part of the list. I am not ungrateful for the blessings I have been bestowed with, in fact I have been given so much, perhaps most of which I don’t deserve but I cannot neglect the amount of “lessons” I have been given. From a person I called my soul mate letting go, wishes as a kid not being fulfilled to my dad’s demise, I have seen quite a bit.
I am tremendously grateful for everything to He who is above all else, especially for the lessons – they have strengthened me but today as I sit down to write this, I am hurting, angry, tired, frustrated, and above all of this, hopeful that a door or a window will open for me to escape through…

27 years of being on this planet, almost 4 years of being in a professional world, I can tell you, think about yourself because others will not, they will definitely not! From the many so-called ‘well wishers’, a couple or if you are VERY blessed, a few of them will be genuine and you need to identify them, and most importantly, value them.  These select few will show you the true face of the situation regardless of whether you agree or not, they will guide you in times when you are losing your core, they will never take your spotlight and they will definitely celebrate your success. The rest of them, are nothing but like shadows, who will fade faster than you blink your eyes. It is paramount that you recognize both sets of people and treat them accordingly. Never make someone your priority if you are a choice in theirs– this sounds very selfish and so what? Aside from your parents and those few who care for you, why are you bothering wasting your life for others? You can either look good in the eyes of the world or take decisions towards the betterment of your self-being, your choice!

Someone much younger who has earned my respect deeply once told me that I have a very strong work ethic. My advise to you, let your work remain work, do not make it your life. If you have your own baby project, like I do, sure, dream, and vision, and make it work but do not kill yourself when working for others – trust me, it is a very bad idea, which will result in disappointment and pure anguish.
As I write this today, I am reflecting on the reflections of my travel in June to the Maldives, which led me to launch Up-intheair! This is why I encourage people to travel; the answers within us are revealed. Throughout my trip, I had asked myself if I was doing enough with my life, if I was investing my time in the right direction. I knew the answer but I needed re-assurance. Today as I look forward to the future, I can sense that the path that awaits me is far different from the one I have led, like the one before this was different, but whatever it is, I hope I never lose faith in Him, but most importantly, I hope He never loses faith in me. I can only go as far as He wants me to and only if He is proud of the person I am becoming.

At some point while typing, I doubted if I should publish this article, and someone who has been an elder sister to me for as long as I can remember recommended I should, so here it is.

There is someone whose work and most importantly, personality has always inspired me. I don’t respect her because she is senior to me in terms of work; I respect her for how good a human being she is. She is the person who has always supported me and is never afraid to tell me the truth, especially my shortcomings so that I can improve. I hope someday, I can be as professionally sound as she is. This piece is dedicated to her!

Lastly, if you are thinking why is the title, numbness, there is no relevance to it as such throughout the piece. Well, it is the way the heart feels right now; so numb that it no longer feels the pain, just vibrations - such a dagger!

Peace,
Champ!