18th June 2016…a date that changed my life
forever. Within a span of a minute, literally a minute my life went in to a
direction where it can never be the same again. My favorite poet, Ahmed Faraz
once wrote; kuch aise hadsay bhi hojate
hai zindagi main Faraz, insaan bach toh jata hai mager zinda nahin rehta which
means there are certain events in one’s life that one survives but doesn’t
remain alive anymore. It has been 4 weeks to the day when he left me; my dad;
but I think of him every single day and much as people say give it time, I will
say time can’t take away memories. Time in fact doesn’t heal wounds, just
teaches us how to live with them. Aren’t memories meant to remind us of
the people who have left us whether intentionally or because it was the end of
their journey on this planet? Reflecting on my life, He began preparing me for
this since February 2010! Anyways, today, this article, I just want to write it
for my dad…
It is funny that when he was alive, I wouldn’t think of him
as much despite being in another country because somehow I knew he is there but
now that he is gone a world apart, my heart weeps and craves for his company. I
still go back to my last conversation with him, and to the funeral, and my eyes
give in. I can still hear his voice, re-call his words to me, all the words of
guidance, the expressions of his love for me; I miss every ounce of it. He used
to tell me always that ‘one shouldn’t
attempt to drink the ocean’s water in a single day’ when I used to attempt
to eat all the chocolates in one day. Back then, I hated it and would think why
is he being so tough? Today, I wish I could hear him say it to me. I find
immense wisdom in his words today and I will always remember them till the
moment I take my last breath.
I still can’t believe it to be honest. I feel like this is
just a dream and I will wake up and find him close by. I guess indeed I will
find him close by but that is when I leave too. My dad was someone who I have
picked a lot of ethics and habits from. I firmly believe in loyalty, honesty
and just being that I am without any pretending. The other person who I know of;
knew of with these qualities was him.
He would never pretend or hide who he was. The more I think of him, the more I miss
and the more I lose myself. In fact, I have lost a huge part of myself when I lost
him. The world seems to have lost color somewhere for me. I don’t think I can
write anymore and I haven’t done justice to my feelings either with this
article because the depth of my tears couldn’t match this but I just want to
end by telling everyone that if you have your parents, learn to respect, love
and appreciate them. I honestly have no regrets because even the last time I spoke
to him, I told him that I love him but you may not get that chance. Life is
indeed very unpredictable and shorter than the gap between two of our
heartbeats so do not waste time. The only time we are guaranteed of is the
current breath and certainly not the next. And yes, Dad, I love you and I just miss
you so much!
“Jabse lagi hai chot dil ki gehrayion main,
Muskurate maine khud ko tasveeron main bhi nahin dekha”
[Ever since I have
been hurt deeply in my heart, I haven’t seen myself smile even in photos]
Peace!
Champ!
