The Feeling of Being Home!

London to Skopje, November 2018

"I am wandering the face of this earth waiting for the feeling of being home, once again..."

One of the most perceptive things in the world today is the concept of ‘being home’. What is home? Is it a feeling, or a certain someone, or a place or perhaps a time of our life? When can one really say ‘I am home’! I guess it could be any of the above depending on the person and the time of their life.In 2009, home was a person for me, where as in 2015, I was in Dar es Salaam on my own and home was a place for me, Uganda, where my Dad and Mom lived. Today, home is neither of the two – the person was never meant to be, Dad isn’t alive anymore and Mom resides with me in Karachi. Thinking about this, would it right to say that I am not home then? Well, Mom is home for me! Nothing in my life weighs as much as she does. This being said, Allah has given each one of us a heart, which is a home in its own form. As is the nature of homes, a vacant one begins to accumulate dust, darkness and silence. I wonder how many of us realize that even with the biggest smile on our faces and music in our lives, all we are is a vacant home!

I believe at some point in our lives, we all find out what is the true meaning of home for us and whether we like it or not, we can never be there forever, because just like this life, everything is temporary. Even the strongest roots are shaken, uprooted and destroyed because it His law about this world; the “law of temporariness”. Many of us lead our lives as if we have all time in the world, including myself. For instance, I know I have to complete my MBA, and grow as a professional, but many a times I choose the badminton court or Netflix instead of my book. Now, I do catch up and get on track, not to add that after a day in my role, one needs to tone down and do what he/she loves most so I understand my choice, but in an overall comparison of what I should be choosing, I make the less desired choice!

In a recent interview I gave, I was asked ‘why are you taking your MBA at such a slow pace?’ aside from financial constraints, my response was “from August 2014 – March 2016, I had all the time to expedite my MBA but I thought I had all the time in the world. I had joined as a trainee in SMART, Uganda, after which I was hired as a part-time professor in my own college and then joined flydubai in Tanzania. In March 2016, I joined AKU and thought now I can finally get going so I purchased a module. April was a busy time due to a major event so in May I finally started pursuing my studies. In June, my father passed away – and life has never been the same, by God, it has not been the same. I thought I had all the time in the world, never have I been so wrong!” Trust me, all we have is today, may be not even today but now; just now…

They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I am not sure what you think but I agree to this philosophy. No other feeling in the world comes any closer to the feeling of being deeply in love with someone. Oh wait, one feeling does; the feeling of knowing that someone out there, is purely, deeply and madly in love with you; that my friends is the best feeling in the world. That person is home! Of course some of us replace ‘someone’ with things, hobbies, passions and places to ensure they feel they are home, one of them is I. Being Up-intheair is home!

For those who are graced by the feeling of love, life is bound to change, forever. Love is a very powerful feeling just like a cyclone; once it touches your life, you are never the same again regardless of what it decides for you, to stay or leave. Well, I can tell you that it never entirely leaves but you know what I mean! From the ‘core’ of my heart, I tell you time never heals any wounds; it only shows you how to survive with the scars.

I am not sure what I jolted down really, or whether I managed to pour all my thoughts with the use of the right words, but this piece, I felt like writing. I conclude by talking about wandering versus commitment/settling down. 

Don’t accept judgments from anyone if you are wandering, like I am. It is totally okay to not want to commit, because I’d rather explore than to settle, only to shatter the other person. Many a times today, I look in the mirror and fail to recognize myself. I know my history very well; I realize the steps I have had to take and the path I have had to walk to get to where I am right now; I fathom the acceptance of the person I am better than anyone else today, but I wouldn’t change a thing! Our experiences shape us in to who we are today, our decisions shape us who we will be tomorrow, so instead of cursing what we did, be paths we ignored or people we could have asked out but were too afraid/nervous or time we wasted; the best thing we can do is to focus on today and grow from the mistakes we made. If you ask me, be rejected than to never have asked, I am trying this approach in my life, which is totally different from the one I have had all these years, which I don’t ask because she will say no. I am also trying to adapt a new way of saying the truth; instead of using my sword to slash, I now walk with a croc; [whoa that rhymed!!], which I let go and it does its bit and re-joins me – tough to understand what I mean, I know, but I had to put it out. Point is, try different approaches and things, otherwise you will remain the person you were, and we all know, a river is beautiful because it flows; stagnant water becomes a swamp attracting no one but flies. Judge less, focus on yourself and move forward, He is watching, believe me He is.

“At the end of the day, it isn’t where I came from. Maybe home is somewhere I’m going and never have been before.” ― Warsan Shire

Peace!

Champ!

Trying to be Semi-Decent; Part 1!

Photo Credits: Jerome!
Mauritius, 2014

“Somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you, is a little boy who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for him” – Original quote by Mia Hamm

This quote is particularly very close to my heart, for it represents why I play badminton.

During one’s lifetime, a few things, like a few people end up being very close to our hearts and perhaps even the soul, if I may say so. Not only are they a part of your life, but also define you as a person in many ways and teach you a thing or two about how you should lead your life. They inspire you in ways others can’t and shape you as an individual. Many a times, we fail to recognize these, especially the things that matter most hence the famous saying “you only realize the value of something after losing it”. In my case, the thing I love most is traveling. It is like a drug to me and I need a fix every once in a while, the frequency of which is increasing! However, today, I want to talk about badminton, a sport that has played a significant role in my life. Many traits of my personality have become rooted because of it. It is my favorite sport, taught to me by my best friend, Shiraz, and I continue to pass it on to anyone who wishes to learn it.
As I sat down to pen this, I realize, what a journey it has been, and continues to be. It has taught me many things a long the way…

In 2004, at the age of 13, I returned to Kampala from Mozambique after really turbulent 3 years during which I lost my grandmother, relocated countries twice and for the very first time in my life, failed an academic year – perhaps the toughest thing of them all! Upon my return, I reunited with my childhood friend, Arif, who introduced me to Shiraz. Along with Afzal, the four of us would play badminton quite frequently. I was the rookie in the group and teamed up with Shiraz. My role was to stand in front at the service line and manage the drops, and smash occasionally (if I managed!) where as Shiraz managed the back; if I put it in percentages, I managed 25% of the court and he managed about 75%. At the time, I did not realize that this base of my game, and being at the net will teach me my signature shot, one I will be known for; a smash at the net regardless of how low the shuttle is. Shiraz gave me one his racquets, which any player will tell you is a big deal. Personally, I do not share my racquets except with very few people, who are really good at the game and I trust will not mishandle it, but at the time, I could barely swing the racquet!
We would play in the morning after prayers around 6am or in the afternoon; and trust me, whenever we would play; it used to be the happiest time of my day!

In a year, 2005, Shiraz left for the US! By that time, not only were we badminton doubles partners but best friends as well. I was an introverted, sporty and naughty kid who did not have a lot of friends; or say any friends. Let us just say I was not your average ‘society approved’ teenager, so when Shiraz left, I felt someone had literally taken life out of me.
The path ahead was very tough for me. I had to survive and adapt to the situation – I got immerses in service in Jamat Khana, enhanced my vision and love for the faith and sports, primarily cricket and badminton – well, it is a long story so I will leave this period for another post!

The Aga Khan Youth & Sports board in Kampala bought racquets as not everyone had one and I was one of them. The racquets were not pro but good enough, belonging to a make called ‘Wish’. It was with one of these racquets that I won my first ever singles match after 3 deuces; I will never forget that win because it showed my own resilience as an individual. One thing was engraved in me that day, no matter what, do not give up. Never hand someone the privilege of saying they beat you without him or her earning it. It also taught me one of the least accepted facts; it is not about the racquet you have, it is about the game you can bring to the court.

Soon after that match, I played my first ever tournament, and lost in the 2^ndround after a heartfelt performance. Both matches (1^stand 2^ndround) were fighting performances and I did not give up at any point. Of course I was very sad and felt disappointed. I sat in a corner crying when an old gentleman approached and congratulated me on my performance. He said I had demonstrated courage and spirit, two of the qualities he had carried throughout his time on court. He shared pieces of advise about how I can improve as a player, and then from his kit, removed 2 racquets and handed them to me. He said ‘I am confident in the player you will become in the years to come. Always remember, play the sport with respect and love for it, and never, ever give up, regardless of the difference between you and the person on the other side of the net’. Those were my first 2 racquets; 1 in green, which was powerful and smashed well and the other maroon in color, a touch too heavy for the liking.
In the following tournament, I was playing a 3^rdround match, and began to miss easy shots. It was perhaps one of those days, where nothing works! At one point in the 2^ndgame, I missed my signature shot and just lost it! Furiously, I smashed the green racquet on the floor until it cracked to pieces. I was given a warning for court violation and eventually, lost the match. Upset and sad, I sat in one corner holding the shattered racquet in my hand, when the old man approached me yet again and said ‘there is a reason I gave you 2 racquets -I knew, one day you would crack one of them, and sadly, it will be the one you love of the 2. You also forgot I my advise so quickly; respect for the game!’ I felt guilty, embarrassed and wasn’t able to look him in the eye, because not only had I forgotten the advise of the only man who thought I could play badminton, but also purposely destroyed a gift; one he had given me with so much belief.
I apologized to him and he told me it is a lesson, and the earlier I learn it, the better. He said he had done the same thing years ago and learnt that unless and until we show respect for the game, we can’t really win over it.
It has been nearly 13 years to the day; I have lost matches I should have won and even lost to a 10-year old kid because of my anger but never have I hit my racquet on the ground that way. 

One of the victories that put me on the radar was back in high school. I had injured my left arm in cricket and although not fractured or on a sling, it was taped and bandaged. Unfortunately, this happened during the time when the house tournaments were going on and I was representing my house in badminton. I opted to play the match in that condition with the pain and won! I remember my friend, classmate, cricket teammate and a great tennis player, Abhishek was supporting and cheering me remarked ‘this dude is one hell of a player’. I tell you, tiny moments with the smallest of remarks end up shaping one’s life and bringing tremendous motivation. Just like words have the power to damage one, they have the ability to grow one too! This is why, we should be careful with our words, always!!

My worst loss ever

There is a regional tournament in East Africa for the Ismaili Community called “Unity Games (UG)”. I have so far attended 3 UG’s and never gone beyond the quarterfinals in the men singles category. I am not someone who carries forward any regrets but if there is one tournament I really wanted to win back in the day, or even today, it is the UG. In my last UG I attended, I eventually ended up volunteering for the games and helped manage badminton. As a non-partial, straightforward individual, I extended no favourism towards anyone despite being from Team Uganda, which made a particular family very upset. Ironically, I was clashing with the son in the quarterfinal. Although he was only 10, he used to train and play at a higher level, but his game wasn’t strong enough to beat me. Just before the match, I had a very strong confrontation with the father – everyone there knew who was right! I told myself, I am going to beat this kid on zero to teach him something. I don’t remember playing in such anger ever before. The first point itself, I set it up and smashed with all I had, followed by a ‘come on!’ However, I lost in straight games to him because I allowed my anger to get the better of me. I was embarrassed, sad, upset and deeply hurt, because I really wanted to win the tournament. The next day I came back to court and continued to serve as the tournament coordinator; watched the kid lose in the semi final, a match I should have played – every second of that day hurt; by God, really hurt!
We ended up winning the team trophy but it did not mean as much to me as a singles title would. I walked away from that tournament with a lot of respect from many people, because I had shown character, strength of mind and tremendous spirit as a volunteer. I also walked away with one of the greatest lessons; let your game speak on court and not your mouth. At the end of the day, people remember you lost, not why you lost!

There is much more for me to share about my journey and this piece is already at a length, so I will stop here and continue in the next piece. 

I really want to appreciate everyone who has continuously read and followed my blog. A couple of friends have always encouraged me to write; it means a lot!

A friend gave me a line with which I should end the piece, so although this is not the end, I will conclude with it:

“I'm a bad player only hoping to be semi decent”

 Peace!

Champ!

Nothingness hence time for a New Platter?

“You have learnt so much
And read a thousand books.
Have you ever read your Self?
You have gone to mosque and temple.
Have you ever visited your soul?
You are busy fighting Satan.
Have you ever fought your
Ill intentions?
You have reached into the skies,
But you have failed to reach
What's in your heart!” – Bulleh Shah

Recently, I attended a talk at AKU by a singer I have come to admire, Arieb Azhar. He has inspired me to read poets like Bulleh Shah, who have written exceptionally, but haven’t been translated in to the different languages as much. I have made it a point to myself to read such poets moving forward.
He shared one of Bulleh Shah’s poems; my God the words and tune have touched me.
I found a video on YouTube where he had sang this previously: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU5P_hHTSFA        

Everyday I drive back from AKU around 2200 (sorry, I am too used to the 24-hour clock – line of work you see!); so I was saying, everyday I drive back from work at night, I take this super expressway and listen to either a ghazal or a song with the lyrics to touch a few chords of my soul. I have kind of stopped listening to music that doesn’t make sense to the soul, which is pretty much a lot of the music being produced nowadays.
So, the one emotion, which is rather constant everyday throughout this drive, is of ‘nothingness’! I ask myself what does my life mean to me today? What makes me wake up everyday and continue on this planet? There is only one answer to that to be honest; my mother. After dad, she is the sole purpose of my living because aside from that, life has pretty much lost its color. The festivals that once meant a lot, brought to me tremendous joy and served as a means to celebrate no longer have that energy for me. Surely, the faith aspect to these has remained but the social aspect is totally gone. Many a times, I just feel so deeply empty, it’s not even painful anymore; it’s just numb.

Ghalib once said ‘kehte hai jeete hai umeed pe log, hum ko jeene ki bhi umeed nahin’ [they say people live their lives with hope, I don’t even have hope of living]. I do not intend to sound ungrateful or in such misery, because I am certain of being in a much better place than many others, but the point I wanted to put forward is there are those who despite having a lot of materialistic items, lose the color of their life. Till yesterday what meant a lot no longer seems to bring that joy anymore. They walk the path because they have to, not because they want to. The sunset of their life has occurred already even though it is mid-day in terms of their age; I hope none of you ever get to that point.
A friend of mine remarked ‘I wish to lead a life like yours Rahim, of a wanderer’ and my reply was ‘I hope not, because it is a very lonely path with no one in sight for miles’. 

I started this article a couple of weeks back and I am finally putting it to rest today. I was driving back home listening to Mehdi Hasan’s ghazal ‘iss bhare jahan main, koi apna tha hi nahin’ [in this world full of beings, there was no one who was mine] and I began composing this. I thought of the purpose of my life and why I wake up everyday; I thought of my day and the struggles I go through to keep afloat and asked if it was worth it? Well, I guess I am at a point where I need change, and I need to move on from this current room I am in – and I am definitely trying to do that, but I will wait until He grants it to me.

I guess we all need change in our lives but are afraid to admit it or take the necessary steps. Years down the line, we look back and think we should have done it. I am of the thought that it is wiser to admit it and move on – being professionally or personally. Yes, you suffer when you make a change because the platter as I refer it to is empty so you have to start a fresh. I moved to Pakistan in 2016, the 4^thchange I had made to my life in 3 years time back then, and I never knew if this move would last but well 3 years down the line I now have a full platter here, with professional accomplishments, friends, acquaintances, compliments, criticisms, folks who do not like me, folks I absolutely don’t respect or like, folks I admire and want to be like; everything but a girl friend:p; perhaps the most complete platter I have had in all these many years and so it is time to find a new platter, because life is not like a pond which has still water. Life is like a river, which flows forward and we must do the same.

I don’t know if I have made sense but I hope I have touched a few chords in a few hearts. If you have something you would like me to write on, have comments or suggestions, please do not hesitate to reach out and share your thoughts.

 “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.” ― Paulo Coelho

 Peace,

Champ!

Nostalgia that stings!

You know how they say you only realise the value of something once you have lost it; but sometimes you already know how much you value something and still have to let it go. This special something could be a place or a person. When you do let it go, it feels like someone has stabbed you in the heart, but somewhere along the way ahead, if you are fortunate, life will present you with an opportunity to re-visit it. The nostalgia, however, that follows then, is a stinging dagger! You remember all the memories and feel empty within, as though the present means little to nothing.

I am currently re-visiting such a city for me, Mombasa, which I have so often referred to as my favorite city in the world. My friends know I have travelled to a number of cities so many find it quite amusing that I call Mombasa home or my favorite but I guess you love a city for the way it makes you feel, not the way it looks.

“Back in July 2012, a naïve Rahim moved to Mombasa to complete his education. With a zero sense of dressing, plenty of nervousness, no ability to talk to strangers especially of the opposite gender, an introvert with high ambitions had left home for the first time. The value of parents was quickly realized. That first week, God I tell you, one of the toughest weeks of his life. The thought of running back home crossed his mind several times but he is a hard nut who refuses to give up. 

From the 2^ndtill the last week though, he had one prayer; is there a way to remain here forever? He explored the city on a bicycle for the 3 months and was in absolute awe of it all. He interned at a sports centre where he organized a tournament for them – a tournament which he created, from its name to logo, and implemented it. The ‘friendship bond open Mombasa 2012’ is one his most proud accomplishments. When he returned back to Uganda in October, he had learned the value of parents, how to survive on your own, face solitude that chokes your soul yet continue to breathe. He had done a lot of first time things, like go to a nightclub. I remember, when he came back home that night, he felt his conscience was missing. It was as if he had seen a very different world, one that had man involved in activities beneath the level set for it by the Creator. 12 weeks later, it wasn’t the same Rahim returning to Kampala!”


As I have fine-tuned this piece, I am ending my Safari leg of the trip. The past 2 days at the Kilaguni Serena Safari Lodge at the Tsavo West National Park have been adorable to say the least. The darkness, the quiet, the tranquility of the jungle has always appealed to my solitude. I won’t be able to use words to describe a safari experience; one has to do it. Time seems to have stopped in the wild and allows one to connect with the deepest corner of their soul. I wasn’t able to see a leopard – not a regret but a reason to return here! We head to Mombasa tomorrow for the final 2 nights at the beach in Bamburi. I am tremendously grateful to Him that Mom was able to experience this trip. 

The cities that make us feel like we should stay are more likely those that have contributed to our existence. These are cities that make you feel at peace and one with your Creator. These are cities that bring a burst of joy every time the plane touches down. Allah knows more for us than we will ever. Back in 2012 – 2014, I tried very hard to find a way to stay here but couldn’t. I kept asking Him “why?” Considering the life I have led since then, I wonder if I had got what I was looking for, would I have done half the things I have done, experienced and seen now? Or would I have done way more? Have you ever asked yourself, what if I had my wish granted, how different would life be? Try…

Time flies by, as everyone says and knows. When I decided to bring Mom to Mombasa earlier this year, I hadn’t realized what I did on 13^thDecember, a day before flying to Mombasa – I was returning after 3 and a half years…3.5 years!!

For the first 2 days of the trip, I traced my footsteps, which I had left here, just like those on the beach. I visited the places I used to go, took the roads I traveled back then, met the people who became family along the way, and recited in the 3 Jamat Khanas I went to. The nostalgia has never been so real!

There is a reason I don’t like to repeat countries/cities, especially those I absolutely love…I don’t feel like returning! I end up being sad instead because I can’t stay back, and therefore I do not truly appreciate the present. I try to absorb everything in the little time I have, and well, time is never an ally. One can never have everything! 

Our parents have done so much for us – we must not miss any opportunity we have to return, whatever little we can because we will never be able to fully repay them.

I don’t know what I really put down in this article or if it made any sense. I guess it’s a combination of anxiety/pain of not having enough of my favorite city and a bit of my current trip. 

I am very grateful for this trip, with which I end 2018. At the start of this year, I did feel I would travel much more than I have done before. I can only hope for the same in 2019.

I appreciate all of you who have followed my thoughts throughout; happy holidays!

Peace!

Champ

To be loved!

Is there any feeling more powerful in the world than that of being loved by someone intensely? I am 34,000 feet above the sea level, floating in the clouds listening to a song that has struck a chord so I thought I should put down the feelings to paper! 

Many who know me recognize my love for travel and living a wanderer’s life. I am in awh of the idea of being Up-intheair, I have been since the age of 5. A couple of days back at the World Travel Market, someone I was speaking to asked me how many countries I had been to. My answer was  ‘it will be 16 after this weekend’. He went on to tell me that he has been to over 50 countries. He further added that for my age, I am doing just fine with this pace. However, if you ask me, I am way behind and I need to speed up, never know when this path comes to an end. He also asked me how many countries did I really want to do? I said ‘197’; he laughed and said ‘that’s the whole world son’. I said ‘that is the vision’. Keep dreaming I tell myself often, for dreams guide the path.

Anyways, I got distracted from what I was feeling when I began this article, and that is, being loved by someone. As a wanderer, there is no concept of home in my life. A downside to this kind of lifestyle is you tend not to find ‘the’ person. Being brutally honest, I have a battered heart and I find it very difficult to find the spark, like I once did with someone. My favorite author, Ahmed Faraz once wrote ‘mohobat kay baad mohobat mumkin hai Faraz, mager toot kar chahna sirf ek baar hota hai’. An attempt at relaying the message ‘you can find love twice but you only die for one person’. Indeed, very lucky are those who find their soul mates, but deeply dead are those who find their soul mates only to not ‘find’ them.
Love is a very selfless feeling; it should be that way. How can I expect someone to fancy me because I fancy her? If anything, I feel more for her because being on the other side is more difficult. You feel guilty that you’re not able to be there for someone who likes you so much, and has to offer so much. Trust me, way too difficult! I have been there a number of times now, and I wonder what I did to deserve someone’s affection. Do I even deserve it in the first place?

In all this, the path I have chosen is considered not so ethical by ‘society’ standards but I like it. It is a path of least expectations with tremendous diversity. My introvert self does not allow me to fully go down this path as yet, but with each increasing travel, I am getting there. However, sometimes, moments like this, my soul makes me feel the solitude to its last chord. I feel the need to have someone in my life, who I can say is mine.

I had to leave this article half way so I am continuing it from Kazbegi, Georgia, surrounded by mountains and with a temperature outside of -1. This is the first time I am experiencing this much cold and loving it!

So about the need to have someone – indeed, as a solo traveller, I see couples travelling all the time and quite frankly it does make me envious. At the same time, I love my freedom and independence to do anything, without being judged.

So I end this article here with a hope that my travels will bring to life this wish! I leave this article with a very good piece of advice I echo as well:

"Hooking up with people who do not care about your happiness or you; is a serious and big decision. If you do decide to hook up, you must have a good reason for it, just as you would to have a relationship"

Peace!

Champ!

Numbness

“Ab toh dard sehne ki itni aadat hogayi hai Faraz,

Jab dard nahin hota toh dard hota hai”

I am so used to bearing the pain, Faraz,

When I don’t get pain, I feel hurt!

What a deep thought Faraz has expressed so simply in the lines above. From the time I first read this couplet, it has related to my soul, it is as if he wrote it for me. You know how you get something in such quantity that you become used to it; solitude, loneliness and eventually pain have been those elements for me, and much to my delight, travel is becoming a part of the list. I am not ungrateful for the blessings I have been bestowed with, in fact I have been given so much, perhaps most of which I don’t deserve but I cannot neglect the amount of “lessons” I have been given. From a person I called my soul mate letting go, wishes as a kid not being fulfilled to my dad’s demise, I have seen quite a bit.
I am tremendously grateful for everything to He who is above all else, especially for the lessons – they have strengthened me but today as I sit down to write this, I am hurting, angry, tired, frustrated, and above all of this, hopeful that a door or a window will open for me to escape through…

27 years of being on this planet, almost 4 years of being in a professional world, I can tell you, think about yourself because others will not, they will definitely not! From the many so-called ‘well wishers’, a couple or if you are VERY blessed, a few of them will be genuine and you need to identify them, and most importantly, value them.  These select few will show you the true face of the situation regardless of whether you agree or not, they will guide you in times when you are losing your core, they will never take your spotlight and they will definitely celebrate your success. The rest of them, are nothing but like shadows, who will fade faster than you blink your eyes. It is paramount that you recognize both sets of people and treat them accordingly. Never make someone your priority if you are a choice in theirs– this sounds very selfish and so what? Aside from your parents and those few who care for you, why are you bothering wasting your life for others? You can either look good in the eyes of the world or take decisions towards the betterment of your self-being, your choice!

Someone much younger who has earned my respect deeply once told me that I have a very strong work ethic. My advise to you, let your work remain work, do not make it your life. If you have your own baby project, like I do, sure, dream, and vision, and make it work but do not kill yourself when working for others – trust me, it is a very bad idea, which will result in disappointment and pure anguish.
As I write this today, I am reflecting on the reflections of my travel in June to the Maldives, which led me to launch Up-intheair! This is why I encourage people to travel; the answers within us are revealed. Throughout my trip, I had asked myself if I was doing enough with my life, if I was investing my time in the right direction. I knew the answer but I needed re-assurance. Today as I look forward to the future, I can sense that the path that awaits me is far different from the one I have led, like the one before this was different, but whatever it is, I hope I never lose faith in Him, but most importantly, I hope He never loses faith in me. I can only go as far as He wants me to and only if He is proud of the person I am becoming.

At some point while typing, I doubted if I should publish this article, and someone who has been an elder sister to me for as long as I can remember recommended I should, so here it is.

There is someone whose work and most importantly, personality has always inspired me. I don’t respect her because she is senior to me in terms of work; I respect her for how good a human being she is. She is the person who has always supported me and is never afraid to tell me the truth, especially my shortcomings so that I can improve. I hope someday, I can be as professionally sound as she is. This piece is dedicated to her!

Lastly, if you are thinking why is the title, numbness, there is no relevance to it as such throughout the piece. Well, it is the way the heart feels right now; so numb that it no longer feels the pain, just vibrations - such a dagger!

Peace,
Champ!

Life is a very small passage in eternity...

 

It is 2 years to the day my Dad left this world, for a world far better but took away a lot of me from this world; or perhaps all of me. When the world was posting about father’s day, I was on a plane headed for his funeral.  A very long time back I had written about airports, which have travellers with so many different emotions, one of them being someone travelling for a funeral. On 18^thJune 2016, I learnt the depth of that which I had no clue about when I wrote that piece. It felt like I was a rock and time had stopped for me. As a traveller, I am particular about my seating on a plane and I politely requested the cabin crew on the flight from Dubai to Entebbe to allow me to sit behind and her response was tremendously rude. Of course she did not know what I was going through but it made me feel like life really had given up on me. I sat where I was assigned (the aisle seat, right side of the plane, near the wing) and couldn’t focus on my journal, the book I keep or a movie I tried watching. The middle seat was empty and there was someone on the window seat who during mid flight asked me ‘what is wrong young man?’. I told him I lost my dad and he went ‘explains a lot as to why you look like your elsewhere’. It was only a 5hour something flight may be but it seemed way longer than that. I think I did watch that one movie, though with little to zero emotions. Whenever I land in Uganda, I feel like I am home but this time, it felt nothing. As someone who does travel often Masha’Allah, I have a habit to ensure I speed my way out as quickly as possible. I am very familiar with Entebbe (and even if you are not, its not that complex!), I had my yellow fever and my immigration form ready. I reach the counter and the lady asks why I am here and I say ‘to bury my father’. Her eyes, I will never forget them! It seemed she knew what I was saying and she stamps me an allowance in the country for more days than I have ever been granted. Ironically, the page she chooses to stamp my visa is right next to the page on which my last trip’s visa is, when I travelled to meet Dad and Mom; the last time I saw him. I reach home and meet my mother and grandfather. My mother, who I was most worried about, seems shattered, actually she was shattered! So was I, but I couldn't tell or show her that - I needed to be there for her, like dad was, and like he would want me to be. Till today, I know he expects the same from me.

Over the next couple of days, I met my friends and folks who knew me. I could see genuine concern and love for the family, and me, which was a very inspiring and touching feeling. It showed me that my family, and perhaps myself had earned love and respect from the members of the community.

I buried my father on 21^stJune 2016. We woke up around 0800, got ready and had to reach by 0830. I had counted 0830 – 1230 as the funeral time. Today, I can tell you, those were the 4 longest and most painful hours of my life!

I had not shed a single tear until that morning, but when I entered the room where he was kept for the family to have a final moment and saw him, I broke down. I remember, I just couldn’t move any further. I stepped out actually but it was my uncle who held me and supported me, took me around his body to pay my respect. The strength I got from my Uncle’s presence at my father’s funeral, throughout, I will never forget and be forever in his debt for that.
We came out and father was brought too. I kept looking at him, at his chest thinking, perhaps now it will begin beating; how helpless did I feel when that wouldn’t happen – only I know. I recited 2 Ginans, a form of spiritual expression. During the first, I think I cried more than recite but the second one, was more powerful because I had calmed enough to recite for him.
Around 1015, it was time I took the one last round to see him. I just couldn’t stand up. Someone I have known as a kid walked up to me and said ‘come on son, it is time’. I will never forget that moment either! I took the most painful, last round. After that was the graveyard and he was buried. I don’t think I uttered a word during the entire ritual; I just watched him go down. I only placed one flower on his grave, at where his forehead would be; I used to kiss him goodnight on his forehead!

I think I have said this for a number of moments above but I think I will never forget anything; from the time I learnt he was gone to the time I placed that flower – I will never forget anything.

I re-call my last telephone conversation with him, which was some 15 or 20 minutes before he passed away, and I told him ‘I am coming next month so it is merely 30 odd days and we will meet Insha’Allah’; little did I know that I did not even have 30 more minutes with him! It is also a blessing that I had that last call with him. I would usually call him on a Sunday but this time I decided to call him on Saturday night, somehow something inside me wanted to speak to him. I called and Mother told me he has just come from work so can you call a bit later and I said ‘no, I will talk right now’. I just don’t know what drove me to be so persistent that day! It was raining but to get a better network, he always stepped outside the home. He stood by the door and spoke to me and knowing he just returned from work where he would have stood for the whole day, I told him why don’t you rest and I will call you later, but his love for me was such that he said no! Even as he went, he left me with a glimpse of the love he had for me. He stood for about 17minutes 20odd seconds, by the door, while it poured down and spoke to me. 17minutes 20 most treasured seconds of my life which I would pay my life for to get back!

A couple of very special friends very recently have told me that I am an inspiration for travelling the world and living my dream, although personally I feel I am quite far away from the kind of travelling I want to do. I want to thank IP and Bhalu! 

My father loved to travel and this passion has come to me from him. He inspired me to travel and live my dream.
I was 5 and changing my future careers everyday! I would watch a movie in which my favorite actor played the role of a cop so I would think, “I will be a cop”. The next movie, I’d see a powerful character of a lawyer and go for that. My favorite one was to be a cricketer; had that one for quite sometime even after I really knew what I wanted to do. One Sunday, Dad and I were outside as we would every Sunday afternoon. A plane flew above us. I asked Dad what were questions a 2 year old would ask now; what is that, how is it flying so high, who is driving it or rather flying it? He told me it’s a pilot, and boom! I told him I will be a pilot. He said, “it is very tough to become a pilot and will require serious dedication and not changing career paths like you do”. I repeated saying “I will become a pilot”. I don’t remember much from my childhood, just glimpses, but I remember that moment clearly, as a crystal. I remember how his eyes recognized how serious I was, and somehow I knew he consented.
From that day, I knew I was chasing a dream which was tough and required serious dedication! Today, I am not a pilot, I did not become one, but I am the first one in the family who has had to change a passport because the pages were over, not because the passport expired. I don’t see my dream as a failure and its not to give myself any consolation. The essence of my dream was to travel and the method I saw at that time and till end of high school was to be a pilot. Life showed me that the method chosen for me, at least now, is not that. 

As I conclude this piece, I want to say that if there is anything I have realized more in these past two years, it is that life is very short! You might have heard this from people in movies or in person, perhaps read in books, but trust me, it is indeed very short. I do not have regrets because my dad knew I loved him, I always told him that, even when we last spoke. Many of us think we have all the time in the world but we really don’t. My life after him is so different from the life I had when he was here. He always told ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’when I spent unnecessarily or his favorite statement, which I am think of engraving on my body, ‘one cannot have the ocean in a day’. I will forever remember his words, which guide me and will do until I too say bye to this world. My father worked all his life for mother and myself, he did not spend anything on himself. 

My father was and is my hero, and will remain my hero. My photography, travel, honesty and loyalty; are just some of the things I have got from him...

Happy Father’s Day, Paa! I miss and love you, from the core of my heart!!

RIP!

Peace!

Champ!

From the Olé in Rasdhoo

Many a times, I would wait to finish a trip and then jolt down what i felt about the trip. Tonight, I am in the Maldives, heading to Sri Lanka tomorrow in the afternoon and I already feel the need to share what I have felt so far.  From a small but beautiful beach like café called coffee olé, on an island some 1 hour away from man kind made world, I am typing this with Ed-Sheeran singing in the background and this couple making out in front of me (feels like someone fasting is watching someone have McDonalds)…

One of the most difficult things in the world, which I have always found very easy, is travel, and especially when you are passionate about it, one’s perspective on it changes.  As those close to me will know, I rely very strongly on my instinct.  When I was going to begin this trip, I had a strange feeling that this was not going to be as smooth or as heavenly as I had planned it and today as I write, just 2 days in to my trip, I can tell you this travel is teaching me more than many in the past have.

When the plane was taxiing in Karachi, I pulled out my best friend on a travel, my DSLR to click a few starting shots only to learn that the battery had completed its time on this planet. The reality began to sank in as a dagger had been formed. I thought to myself ‘what the f***. I have planned a trip to one of the beautiful places on the planet with so many hopes of clicking tons of images, especially sunsets and here is my DSLR giving up!’. Then I saw this beautiful person on my flight, and I forgot all about the issues of the camera – Rachel Viccaji. I recognized her right away for she is one of the vocalists in Coke Studio; a brand of music that has deeply touched me always with its work. At some point during my flight, I requested if she could sign my journal; a photo did not seem appropriate.

The sunset time came and I was once again thrown back in to the sorrow of not having my DSLR’s support. Capturing that sunset, well, that was also on my list to do! I took whatever I could using my iPhone – trust me, no match whatsoever.

We land in to Colombo and after immigration at the duty free shop; somehow, I manage to have a photo with Rachel! I rush out of the airport and ask my driver to take me to shops for the DSLR’s battery. We drive up to an hour and I cannot find it. I see that the airport has a shop where I can get it. Next morning, I look for the shop after checking in, only to find out that it has closed. Oh wait, I forgot to mention that my iPhone cable also died when I was on the flight to Colombo. So the iPhone died due to low battery that 1^stnight!! Such a challenging travel right? Wait, I have more to say…

I head to the Maldives. WHAT A BEAUTY! Every time on this trip when my heart has uttered this line,  I have reminded myself how much I miss my DSLR!

PS: having ginger tea with a sea breeze around, and it rained too! And thank God, the couple left…

So I land in Maldives and the person picking me up isn’t there. I get in touch with the person who assisted me with my booking and he says I will have to wait for an hour at least!! Sorry, I know I have used way too many exclamation marks, but the article calls for it.
After waiting for about an hour, the person picking me up comes and tells me that due to some reason, the morning speed boat was cancelled and now I have to wait till 1500 for it. I’m thinking, wow, any more surprises my Lord?

I go to Male with him to look for my battery; we go around the capital, which is the smallest capital in the world. We don’t find the battery and hence the dagger of reality even sharpens that my DSLR will be quiet in Maldives.
He takes me to a souvenir shop and I select one item, he makes it 50% discount (I just don’t know how one can waive off cash like that but well), and I take a ferry back to the airport.
The one thing I want to mention that I was impressed to see was the role of women in this country. Islands are generally considered ‘not developed’ but the thought of the people is developed. Women riding bikes, no helmets, respect for the land in that no one litters, respect for others on the road – little to no hooting or screaming at each other, something I witness so often in Karachi; I was so impressed with this country in just the first few hours I was here.

By the way, the ferry from the airport to Male was another of those things that left a deep mark; like it was as if I have travelled to another world.

I went to a sandbank today, walked quite a distance to reach a coral with sharp blue colored fish; beauty. I also saw turtles there… in the afternoon, we set out to see dolphins. I had 4 of them jump right next to where I was on the boat; some experiences, you cannot value them in monetary terms!

I want to conclude this piece with the last surprise that I have received, SO FAR:

As I said, I am at an island about 1h 30m away from civilization. My flight was UL118 at 1045, which means taking the 0730 ferry is great, but Sri Lankan Air cancelled that flight at now, the new flight time is 0925. Well, clearly I wont make it so now I am forced to change myself to the 1530 flight. This means I get to the airport in the only ferry of the day, around 0900 and I wait for up to 4 hours perhaps. I then land in Sri Lanka at 1725 – spoils the day I had planned but so grateful to the car company and this one individual who has supported my logistics of the Sri Lankan bit.

Am I disappointed? – yes, with the way Maldives has happened, a bit. I am TOTALLY NOT disappointed with my decision to come but with the logistics. The lesson – plan better, review better, learn much better, and then choose even better!!

So, to all those out there who wish to travel the world,  it is not impossible and it is not about money. It is about belief, courage, and just the will to go. I had put Maldives on my travel list in 2014 and 4 years later, I can finally say, I have done it!

Will I come back – without a shadow of a doubt. Insha’Allah, I am leaving because that is life’s demand of me; I will come back because that is my demand of life.

Peace!

Champ!

My Nanus!

This piece is dedicated to my Nanus (grandfathers).

Last week, my last Nanu (this seems an odd statement but what I do mean is the last one alive) passed away, may he rest in peace. 

A dear friend of mine asked me to write something on my Nanus, which I had thought I should anyways; and then tonight, a very, very dear friend of mine shared with me something she had written today and that triggered something in me so I am finally putting the whispers of my soul to paprer…

As far as my memory goes, I remember my times with 3 of them; my Nana (mother’s father) and 2 Nanus (Nana’s brothers).  All 3 of them have been significant figures of inspiration for me in my life but the one who had the highest and most significant impact was my Khan Nanu. Perhaps because I spent at least 16 out of the 26 years of my life with him, most of which was my childhood to youth days; and as science shows, that is the time we are shaped to be who we are. 

When I was in Mozambique, I saw my Nana once a day when we would go to my uncle’s place before going to Jamat Khana. My Nana was paralyzed and would always be on the bed with his beads reciting a prayer. He would see me and smile as if I was the sole reason of his happiness. Of course this was not the case because he loved everyone in the family but I will never forget how he would always smile despite the fact that he was unable to move or leave that room. If I spend half a day in my room, I feel so helpless and smiling would be the last thing I would do and here was a man, who was on the bed for years and never complained. I did not hear him ask why God has done this to him. In fact, he kept reciting prayers and taking God’s name. if this doesn’t inspire me to be anything but faithful, I just don’t know what would.

I connected well with him yet I spent a maximum of 10 minutes with him per day. 

There was something about him! I think I now realize, all my 3 of them had that unexplainable magic. The phrase I think I would use is ‘they were elevated’

One day in 2001, my Nana passed away in Nampula, Mozambique. At that time, I was only 10 years old and never understood how deep a gap death can leave. Today, I know; my God, I very well know!!

Before I speak about Khan Nanu, I want to talk about Sadru Nanu, who passed away last week. I always asked my Nanus to pray for me and Sadru Nanu always told me ‘how can I tell you, what is in my heart and thoughts? How can I possibly begin to explain what you mean to me?’While saying this, he would shed a few tears. When I returned from the graveyard, I went in to his room, near his bed I was going through his belongings to see if there was tasbih I could keep as a memory when I stumbled upon his little diary. I began to flip the pages just randomly until I reached a page that had my birthdate on it: “Rahim beta – 14 October 1991”. I cannot express the pain and the sorrow in that moment. It sank to the core of my heart. Indeed, I was not able to understand how much he loved me, and again, I mean the family. I am not afraid to mention here that he had 1 photo in his drawer, and it wasn’t of me but it is a pity that those in the photo never understood just how much this man loved them.

Death; funerals always leave a gap but Sadru Nanu’s funeral was probably one of the most painful for me – for sometime now, I knew it was coming but when it finally did happen, I thought to myself ‘perhaps a bit of more time with him would be nice’.
Time is never our ally so we must be very careful with how we deal with it. Most of us are busy giving time to those who value so little of us; we are simply a choice in their lives yet they are our priorities; I think I am very glad that regardless of how this approach of mine is thought of, I no longer give my time to everyone, especially not to those, who just don’t value me as a person.

My journey with my Khan Nanu or ‘budhao’ as I called him, is in itself worth a book. From the true meaning of service to making chai for Jamat Khana, from meditation to reciting a prayer, from having patience to showing emotions, from him carrying me to me holding his hand as he walks; I have spent a third of my life with my Khan Nanu. He would scold me for not attending prayers or breaking a glass in Jamat Khana playing cricket, and trust me, I have broken a lot of them; he would tell me that one does not need to have a uniform or position or title to serve; he would tell me his life stories; he would be patient with me on instances where I would be irritated with him; and he would always give me money before I set on a travel and say ‘buy chocolates, enjoy’. As I said, there is so much I can talk about my Khan Nanu and someday I will sit down to jolt a piece just for my time with him but I want to fast forward to 2017. He was diagnosed with lip cancer; had a 9 hour surgery, survived it, was recovering and 2 days later had a cardiac arrest that put him in the ICU on 21^stMarch; Navroz which is the Persian New Year; celebrated world wide. What is ironic is my father passed away on Father’s day in 2016 and just as the world was posting messages on social media sites, I was flying to Kampala for his funeral. On Navroz 2017, I spent a lot of my day right from 0430 till 2130 in and around the ICU. I think I am truly grateful to He who is above all else for the strength and courage He gave me!

Khan Nanu passed away on Chandraat, day of the new moon in September 2017. You know how a building is only as strong as its foundation; I can tell you, I have lost 2 of the foundations! After dad passed away, happiness and sorrow became almost the same thing; as if color had faded from my life, and till today, it is just not there!!

I know I have not done justice to this piece but I have written in the flow as always. I want to end this with a quote I loved from a piece my friend shared with me earlier this evening:

“Remember the days you prayed for the things you have now” – author unknown

Life is a very short passage in eternity. Say the I love you, sorrys the moment you get the chance because tomorrow is never, ever guaranteed. 

Peace,

Champ!

Whispers of the Soul

Hello!

This post is about my Jubilee Arts (a Diamond Jubilee initiative) submission. I am sharing below the photo and summary I submitted for JA.
With a very heavy heart, I had to accept that I did not go to the International Arts and ended up losing in the Nationals. Anyways, one can't have everything.

So here we go...

"Captured 38,000 feet above sea level somewhere between Tanzania and Kenya in 2015, this image is one of my most profound clicks. On December 1^st 2016, my father’s first birthday since his passing, I dedicated this image to him!

Since the age of 5, travelling has been my greatest desire and passion. To wander the world admiring the marvels of the Creator has brought immense happiness, peace and moments of reflection. Floating above the clouds, I found myself lost in a multitude of overcharged emotions that compelled me to capture myself in that moment in time, forever.

On 18^thJune 2016, my father passed away some 20 minutes after I had a telephone conversation with him. I travelled to Uganda early next morning and he was buried on 21^stJune. Many told me back then that time is the greatest healer of all and I will eventually learn to move on and forget; it has been 628 days today and the memory of each moment, from me learning he has gone till the flower I put on top of the grave, is fresh and alive!

Going through his things in the days following the funeral, I found an old Kodak camera and some dusty photos of him and his travels. I recognized the glimmer in his eyes, which I feel, is always reflected in my heart when I travel. That day, I realized that my eye for photography and love for travelling are actually a part of the many things Dad left for me, they are his legacy to me.

Every time I look at the image today, it reminds me of just how important time, especially the present moment, is!
I captured this when I was travelling from Dar es Salaam to Mombasa to serve in Global Encounters as a logistics support member. GE is without a doubt one of the best things that I have been a part of. A month before GE, I also got my first real job in Tanzania. This was a time when life began to teach me the difference between earning things rather than just getting them; a time when I was going to be away from my parents once again and that is tremendously difficult, even for a wanderer like myself.

Today, I miss those years of my life deeply. When I was in Uganda, I would often tell Dad how bored I am and my ambitions to fly high and be something. I am getting there indeed Insha’Allah but the time I spent with both my parents like the Golden Jubilee of Mawlana Hazar Imam is forever engraved in my soul. I have taught myself how to smile in times of despair and my faith and devotion to the Imam keeps me moving forward, but the whispers of my soul within are loud and keep reminding me of what I have been through to get here, and the legacy, which I must uphold."

By the way, I do welcome comments and observations you may have, so feel free to email me!

Peace,

Champ!