My Dad!!

18^th June 2016…a date that changed my life forever. Within a span of a minute, literally a minute my life went in to a direction where it can never be the same again. My favorite poet, Ahmed Faraz once wrote; kuch aise hadsay bhi hojate hai zindagi main Faraz, insaan bach toh jata hai mager zinda nahin rehta which means there are certain events in one’s life that one survives but doesn’t remain alive anymore. It has been 4 weeks to the day when he left me; my dad; but I think of him every single day and much as people say give it time, I will say time can’t take away memories. Time in fact doesn’t heal wounds, just teaches us how to live with them. Aren’t memories meant to remind us of the people who have left us whether intentionally or because it was the end of their journey on this planet? Reflecting on my life, He began preparing me for this since February 2010! Anyways, today, this article, I just want to write it for my dad…

It is funny that when he was alive, I wouldn’t think of him as much despite being in another country because somehow I knew he is there but now that he is gone a world apart, my heart weeps and craves for his company. I still go back to my last conversation with him, and to the funeral, and my eyes give in. I can still hear his voice, re-call his words to me, all the words of guidance, the expressions of his love for me; I miss every ounce of it. He used to tell me always that ‘one shouldn’t attempt to drink the ocean’s water in a single day’ when I used to attempt to eat all the chocolates in one day. Back then, I hated it and would think why is he being so tough? Today, I wish I could hear him say it to me. I find immense wisdom in his words today and I will always remember them till the moment I take my last breath.

I still can’t believe it to be honest. I feel like this is just a dream and I will wake up and find him close by. I guess indeed I will find him close by but that is when I leave too. My dad was someone who I have picked a lot of ethics and habits from. I firmly believe in loyalty, honesty and just being that I am without any pretending. The other person who I know of; knew of with these qualities was him. He would never pretend or hide who he was. The more I think of him, the more I miss and the more I lose myself. In fact, I have lost a huge part of myself when I lost him. The world seems to have lost color somewhere for me. I don’t think I can write anymore and I haven’t done justice to my feelings either with this article because the depth of my tears couldn’t match this but I just want to end by telling everyone that if you have your parents, learn to respect, love and appreciate them. I honestly have no regrets because even the last time I spoke to him, I told him that I love him but you may not get that chance. Life is indeed very unpredictable and shorter than the gap between two of our heartbeats so do not waste time. The only time we are guaranteed of is the current breath and certainly not the next. And yes, Dad, I love you and I just miss you so much!

“Jabse lagi hai chot dil ki gehrayion main,

Muskurate maine khud ko tasveeron main bhi nahin dekha”

[Ever since I have been hurt deeply in my heart, I haven’t seen myself smile even in photos]

 PS: I know translations take away all the depth of the script but I gotta do it anyways. I don't know if people even read my blog but assuming someone does, a universal language it is!

Peace!

Champ!

Working at a hospital!

“Reflect upon your present blessings -- of which every man has many -- not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some” – Charles Dickens

Today, I was buying coffee at the shop I everyday do before heading to the library and one of the security guards walked in and asked for biscuit. The biscuit was 17 rupees and he thought for a minute before buying it where as my coffee was 110 rupees and I don’t think even for a second before spending that amount. Now it is quite true that my pay must be like at least three times his but that one moment impacted me! I was telling my cousin today that working in a hospital can really make you realize just how blessed you are. Even when you are a non-medical staff member like myself, you get to see people who are in so much pain and problems that it should make you reflect; at least it does to me that ‘how lucky am I’. You can lack money, material possessions, a loved one, friends etc. but you have your eyes hence sight, you can move around with your legs, lift things with hands, etc.; these my friend are blessings, and like all humans do, we never value something till we have it. Today I saw someone being taken on a stretcher and he looked very serious and my heart just sank like it did the other day when I saw someone’s head stitched and he was being transferred. I am just grateful!!

I see folks from all walks of life at the hospital with their stories in their eyes but one thing is so common – there is a solid shield or at least an attempt at having a solid shield to hide the truth. What is interesting is you can take a walk around the hospital thinking about all your issues but the moment the heart starts to reflect on the problems the people there are facing, yours seem nothing. As I said, if a hospital can’t bring humility in you, then I don’t know what place is good enough to do so!

The other purpose of writing this article was to mention a little about my time here in Karachi and how my day looks like. Karachi is very hot at the moment to be honest. The humidity is a killer!! I never felt like this in Dar too – this actually reminds me of my 3 days in Dubai in July 2014 when I was returning from Mauritius post my graduation. KILLER!
I am adapting to the change of city at the moment like I have always done. It has been a month and a half already and I am yet to actually photograph it but every now and then I manage to pull out my camera. The sunset on campus is absolutely mesmerizing. If you ask me, Karachi has one of the best sunsets I have witnessed. Like every day, I fall in love with it all over again! I find people in this city assume they have all the time in the world which is quite frustrating. Shops open so late and that’s just argh like are you kidding me?! You might think I do not like Karachi as I am critical of it but I love it here only that I can’t shy away from the truth. The amount of diversity I see here in Karachi is so much that wow! It is a brilliant city to live in to be honest, of course you must have a good sustainable financial source.

My days are packed to be honest. I feel I have packed them that way. I work till 6:30 or so in the evening and then go for badminton and table tennis till 9pm and then study for my MBA for a couple of hours. I like to keep myself busy because then I do not find time to think about my so-called issues or so. I of course spend half an hour with myself every single day from 11 to 11:30pm. How long can I keep up this tough schedule – I do not know but let us see!

Lastly, what is it that is lacking and I want…an apartment, a car and yes, a girlfriend. Isn’t it amazing when you know what you want? :p on this note, this article comes to an end.. I feel quite happy to have written in a different style today and not been so serious as I always tend to be when I am writing.

Peace!

Champ!

The Eye that Reads!

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”  - Jodi Picoult

Have you ever looked at someone in a public place and thought to yourself ‘this person is this, this and that’? Have you ever tried to see through the first layer that people are showing to the world? Have you ever tried to read someone; not judge but read? To my surprise, I think what started for me as something I would do once in a while, I now do it with love and passion. During a recent conversation with someone, she said “when you have so much loneliness in your heart such that you are completely alone even when you’re amongst people, I guess you learn to see through people easily”. I couldn’t agree more!!
“I am so used to the pain that when I don’t get pain now, it hurts” – Ahmed Faraz. Loneliness isn’t about being alone is a lone place, sometimes you can be surrounded by the world and still be lonely as ever; and as painful as it is, no one will ever know.

I do not like places that are very crowded because they make me feel what my heart hides otherwise – solitude. The one thing that I love to do when I go to public places is I love to read people. I choose a place from where I can see everyone or a majority of people, my instinct selects the person I intend to read and I observe. I know this sounds weird, awkward and honestly I may be perceived as weird I guess but well, the heart does what it wants! I do get it right a lot of the times and I wonder how but when you live in a vacuum, you develop an eye to see through people. It doesn’t take me long to discover who is how and I am honestly so glad about this. The one benefit to me too is that people don’t know that I am trying to read them and so they keep behaving the way they would.

So I guess today, all I wanted to talk about is this reading of people. I do not know if I made any sense but hey, it is to let go of my thoughts and feelings as to why I write. I appreciate all those who do read my blog once in a while.

This article could have been written a lot better but when I sat to write it, I couldn’t complete it and now that I am completing it, I am not in that flow of heart as I was that day – so the lesson to take it, when the heart wants me to write something, I should go on and complete it.

Peace!

Champ!

Destiny...Our Choice

"I envy birds..they fly and have the guts to choose their destiny"

“Defeat is a choice, so is victory. Thus we have the power of choice”

I quote these particular lines of a paragraph I read in an article I was reading this morning. Further ahead in the article was a line ‘only you can turn yourself around…if you really want’. I kept pondering all morning, we all want and desire something or someone right? “Leave everyone else, what do you want?” my heart screamed to me. For someone like me, answers to such questions are not very hard to get because I keep talking to myself and seeking answers about my life. It is a very powerful thing you know – talking to oneself. Many people keep asking, ‘where is The Almighty?’ Well, the answer is very simple… He is in your heart, in yourself but we look everywhere, except there! We look for Him in the riches of the wealthy, in the health of the healthy, in the happiness of the joyful ones but He resides in the hands of a laborer, in the thirst of the thirsty, in the prayers of a believer, in the sweat of the tired, in the tears of the broken, in a loving heart…well, that is where He is!!

So yes, we all have ambitions and dreams but whether we chase them, is totally upon us. I am pretty unsure about my career because there is so much that I could do but there is only so much that I can; and I am told that I have to let go of something, but am I willing to do that? I know my greatest ambition and passion is to travel and take photos but at the same time, I have to think about my family, my desire to serve the community and build a name; all different paths with different outcomes so yes, you can say I am at crossroads. My faith in Him is powerful enough that my solution may sound absurd to many, but reality is, faith is a very unique thing to each of us and what is absurd to someone, makes absolute sense to someone else; say like an artist who throws various colors in different directions on the canvas, to a layman, it may seem he is doing nothing but the eyes of the artist know what is going on and how beautiful this messed up, jumbled up colors will look. He knows what is best for me and so He will never let me go on a path that isn’t meant for me and so I keep trying with equal efforts for the paths I want to be on and see where life takes me. Some people have been critical to me about this approach but I tell myself why care on someone’s words when they mean near to nothing. My family especially my parents respect my decisions and that is sufficient and good enough for me rather than these other people.

I am definitely going to make a change in my life in terms of my work place. I have always believed if something is making you unhappy whether be a habit or working with someone, change it and I have come to realize that working with some people is causing me stress therefore I will make sure I eliminate them from my life. I am not someone who wants to make work his life and evading my private time is a source of great displeasure for me and I am not going to allow anyone to do that. I am also sure that when I leave, the effect will be felt although now it isn’t seen. You value something/someone when you lose it; I am sure they will too!
I am trying my best to look for something and I do hope and pray, I get it sooner. People are afraid of change but I am willing to look for that change which will make me happier. I think these past 10 odd months have taught me a lot and I have improved professionally but I am not going to allow myself to be unhappy on the name of ‘professional development’. I know some or a lot of people will disagree and say ‘hard work is everywhere’. I have never been afraid of hard work but I want to work with the people who are right for me. I end with what I started… ‘…we have the power of choice’.

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!

Being on the road...

“But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in” ― Junot Díaz

This is the one quote that I came across that I believe is the right dose of motivation to me as of now. I have never seen my life as anything but life itself; crazy statement right? You may be thinking what an obvious statement. So I want to ask you to think about your life right now and see if there is life in it? Besides work or studies, money or fashion; how much is there to your life? If you live with your family then that is one lucky part of your life but besides that, what is there? Do you spend time with yourself perhaps sitting in silence by the beach watching a sunset or treating yourself to a special meal on an achievement or writing your journal? I mean anything that isn’t ‘routine’; do you do it? I keep travelling alone and even living alone so I am quite used to having meals alone like I did in Dubai, visiting places alone like exploring Mauritius (although I found a batch of amazing brothers) or now even Dar es Salaam. I can say that Dubai was a killer for me. I went to Dubai mall and saw families and friends having the ‘time of their life’ together and here I was all alone and there were people like me as well, all alone; but guess what; nobody sees this part of my life. Many people tell me they would love to have my life and I am lucky; indeed I am blessed but being on the road or being a frequent traveler has its challenges and today I want to express this part of my life to you all…

I was hired to do photography for a conference organized by Oracle in Mauritius. At that time, it was a great opportunity for me not only because the amount of cash I was getting but also from a learning perspective, it was great. It was an HR conference and I learnt about what companies look for when they hire, what creates an HR’s certain perception towards an individual such as time management, dressing, tattoos, etc. in that session, I learnt way more than what my degree lectures were teaching me. During lunch time, I walked up to the speaker and mentioned how lucky he was to be living such a life where he travels the world, spends half of the time at airports and hotels; earns from something people pay for. I will never be able to forget his reply to me which today is a live realistic visual for me because I am living that life in a way all though I am not yet at that level of travelling. He said ‘I travel because of work. Whether I am at an airport or hotel, I am working. Look, right there is the beach and look at those half naked people who are enjoying the sun; and then see me; wearing a suit in this heat delivering a lecture, not so lucky am I?’ My work travel trip to Zanzibar is a clear mirror image of his statement.

The obvious thing we miss being on the road is family. A friend this morning asked ‘you miss the food your mother cooks?’ Such an obvious answer to that question, isn’t it? YES! I miss it. I am particularly my momma’s boy because I am the only child and for her to send me away; well it’s only a 2 hour flight but still very far, not easy at all. I miss both my dad and my mom. Parents are unmeasurable treasures and blessings from He who is above all else. I can’t express the depth of love I have for them. To be honest, their value was reflected by my trips. Khalil Gibran said ‘love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation’. It were these trips that made me realize how important they are to my existence. I am so bloody happy and excited to be going to them in about 8 days’ time!!!! Never thought going to Uganda again would be so exciting. That country has given me love and pain together and I wanted a change which Shukar I got by moving to Dar es Salaam. I can’t explain how great an opportunity this is for me and I am grateful. Coming back to the point, #home T-8 days!!

I want to conclude this article by saying I am living a dream life and people I meet around all say ‘how lucky you are’. I guess just one thing missing and I am asking Him to give that to me. When I get her, it will be a complete Hollywood or Bollywood story of this young guy who gets a dream job at an airlines at a very high position and finds this amazing girl who he wouldn’t get otherwise and they face the world together. I don’t want it to be as dramatic as the movies though.

“Whatever he had found, it made him a better person. Maybe that's what love was, finding the person who brings out the best in you and eliminates

the worst.” ― Diana Holquist

Peace!

Champ!

Global Encounters

“global encounters”…I remember the first time I heard about the program, I did not even give it a thought because I thought it did not appeal to me at all or wasn’t related to me. I was way above the participant age criteria and too young and under qualified to be a facilitator. In 2014, when I was finishing my bachelors, my lil one; my sister got selected and said I should try as a facilitator. I sent in an email but I was too late as the deadline had passed but I made up my mind that day that I will apply next year. Today as I write this article, I am humbled to say that I did make it this year as a senior staff member or as a Mwalimu for those who have attended Global Encounters. I want to share with all of you, although I know words will not do justice…I want to share about a family of mine that has members from 19 countries!!

When people cry at the time of departing regardless of their age or nationality, then I think you can rightly say that they have been touched by each other’s souls. It feels like yesterday when I was travelling from Dar es Salaam to Mombasa for the camp. I remember that first day when I arrived and met a co-member of the team, I felt nothing to be honest and had no idea of what to expect. Slowly the entire team gathered together and that first day of meeting everyone was really very weird for me as an introvert. I am transforming as an individual but being an introvert is something that is naturally in built and I can’t and should not try to erase it. My first real friend from the team is more like an elder brother who I have come to respect and adore as a person. His stories are the most hilarious ones and I will never forget one statement of his… ‘Live in the present moment’! I feel he has a lot of thoughts that he doesn’t really voice or you could say on a positive note, he only voices the ones he feels need to be voiced. He and I went to the airport to pick up the Tajik group of participants. I remember how we were eating pizza and having tea when we suddenly realized that they had come out and WE RAN!!

The camp began as I mentioned without me expecting anything except what the Lord had to offer. The first week was spent with the volunteer team and I began learning about the people I am going to work with for the next 4 weeks as a team. I must say that we were a very talented team where by each individual had something to contribute. There were different elements in the team like different colors; we made quite a beautiful collage together. I made a slideshow out of the pictures I took in the first week and presented it on the closing of that first week…I received appreciation for it and that made me emotional because I felt I contributed; that to me is one of the most special feelings because you know that you are of value to the team and not just a result of a poor selection.

Participants arrived a week later. I helped check in the participants who arrived in the last batch; to be honest I enjoyed being at the check-in. we slept late and then it was kind of an early morning still and the day began with orientation and the camp had begun. I remember seeing everyone involved in all the different activities and I thought to myself ‘this is it…GE is finally on’. There is a saying that “the time of our life which we love the most, enjoy the most is certainly the fastest time of our life whereby you blink and it’s gone”. I can say this for GE. I don’t even re-call where all the time went. We went for a safari during the camp. We drove almost a full day to Amboseli, which is a national park in Kenya and stayed there for two nights. The second night was a very emotional one and I will just say that it is a memory that will be special to each individual present around that camp fire.

We then went to Nairobi, visited AKDN work and flew back to Mombasa. That flight back to Mombasa is also a very special memory because we were almost 90 in the same plane and one of the cabin crew even announced that whoever is GE, please raise your hand. It was a hilarious flight as well (Shadan, a young brother from camp knows why!!) I remember going to the office the following week sorting departure tickets and the lady at the counter told me ‘you are the GE guy right?’ J

The week after Safari was very fast and there were times when time took a pause as well. It was of course VERY emotional as well. We celebrated Imamat day together with the entire community of Mombasa as well as participants of the second camp. I will not try to put that feeling in to words!!

The last day was crazy... Serena hotel Mombasa… I made a slideshow with the help of Asma and Shadan who sorted photos for me…just as the slideshow was ready, my laptop shut down and the work wasn’t saved so I had to do it again :/ but as my MD had earlier told me that ‘during GE, there is an invisible hand on top of the shoulder of each volunteer’, the slideshow got ready. It was almost 20 minutes with pictures and songs of GE Camp 1 2015. It wasn’t the best by any means but it was good enough I guess. That night, we sat signing each other’s ‘kikoys’ and t-shirts were distributed. There were hugs, talks, tears, music, silent eyes with the sorrow of departing yet a bit of happiness about going back to family, and lots more. The next day, every time the time came for a group to leave, there were tears. Even swimming on that last day could not cater for the grief the heart felt. I will never ever want to experience that silence in my life like at the dorm that night. I have felt it before as well but I honestly detest it. Insha’Allah, next GE, I will ensure to leave with a group of participants and not stay back.

I left the next day in the morning. I was so happy that my ‘bestie’ from camp, a co-Mwalimu had woken up to bid farewell. We sat and spoke for a while before I left for the airport. To be honest, I am so glad to have met her because she is a genuine person with whom I had serious talks, we laughed, we shared our stories and yes, she is one of the friends the camp has given me!!

The one thing that I wish to add here is the feeling of not going back to family. I was returning to Dar and not Kampala where my parents are. GE is such an emotional ride that after it, you need to go back to family and I did not do that. The feeling was of emptiness and nostalgia. I am hopeful that I get selected to be part of the camp again and Insha'Allah, I will go back to family before going back to 'normal' life. 

I want to conclude by saying this article by far doesn’t do justice to the camp because there is sooo much I haven’t spoken of. Being there, experiencing it is totally un-comparable to any piece of article describing it. There are so many moments like taking Farhan to the airport, teasing Shadow and Zara with women driving jokes, teasing IP about the balloon (Salman Khan), my conversations with Asma, being a roomie to Ndugu Sheroz and Rahim, the jokes with Shadan and Ndugu Sheroz (a particular one is but it was a puppy HAHA!) and many more, so many people I met who in their own rights are at a level and mean much to me that this article hasn’t spoken of but they are a part of it. I want to say that every single person I came across in the camp holds a special place and I will never be able to forget them and the time we spent together. My last statement will be one that people have heard a lot and sometimes it’s hard to believe but it is the truth…GE is the best thing that has happened to me. Someone asked me, would I do it again? My answer is the same as Khaled Hosseini said in his book, The Kite Runner...for you, a thousand times over!!!

Champ!

The ones who left..

"I fantasize about rejecting the apologies that I know will never come"

Another friend of mine very recently, in fact she was one of my most cherished friends decided to break the friendship all of a sudden without any concrete reason; but oh well I do not think any reason would be sufficient enough as well. Surprisingly, I have taken it pretty well. It struck me badly that morning when I read her Whats-app message and I could not focus but then I shared it with my most truest buddy and then it seemed a bit okay. I guess, sharing our screams out is the best way to silence the pain. 

I really have no clue today as to what I want to write but the reason I am writing is to let go off the burdens on my heart. I am honestly tired of seeing people leave after giving them so much. I am the kind of people who believe in loving with all our heart, giving so much value to a relationship, maintaining trust but then it just frustrates me to see people leave just like that. Although this time, the one thing that is positive about it is I think I have finally learnt to live with it and that is why it did not hit me as hard as it could have a couple of years back. I have learnt to accept people who want me to be part of them and appreciate having someone like me who they can trust. I have learnt this the hard way in life by loving someone too deeply or trusting the wrong people so for me, this is one lesson that shall not leave me.

So as I mentioned earlier, I really do not know what I have written but I wish to say this; we all make decisions with consequences for ourselves whether these are financial, family based, relationship based or career ones. The people we decide to abandon may really be those who are sent by Him to show us light and so we must choose wisely. There is pain in loving but a deeper pain in not loving but the choice is always ours. I have seen many people complain of not having love but that is because they imprison themselves yet He has given them everything. Remember, light or darkness is got by our choice and not by Him.

Finally, I want to tell that one friend who decided to bid good bye that no grudges buddy because I keep none though the pain caused is deep and silent...

Peace!

Champ!

Be mine!!

So I wasn't intending of publishing this poem but someone, I must add quite a special someone asked me to do so. She said it was very beautiful and deserved to be read by people. I am humbled by her opinion. 

Upon returning from Dubai, 38,000 feet above sea level, floating over clouds, here are the words my heart whispered:

You know I love it; I love it to bits in fact,

When you just let your guard down; a bit,

When you forget the walls you have built around your heart,

The walls that seem so high to climb for anyone,

When you forget your fear of getting hurt,

And you do and say what your heart wants,

You know I love it…

I love it when I talk to the girl who believes in dreams,

The girl who wants to fall in love; the love in fairy tales,

The girl who has her innocence written all over her face,

But it is sad that I have only met her a couple of times may be,

Because she is trapped and imprisoned within a cage,

A cage within yourself so deep that no one can reach…

You know what I think when I think of that girl within you,

I think of someone who I can share myself with,

Someone capable to rescue me from my depths of solitude,

Like I can rescue her from her depths of unfulfilled desires,

And I don’t mean share my body with her because that is the easier part,

I mean share my soul and body,

Which sounds ‘bookish’ but trust me; its reality…

I am not saying I love you because we haven’t reached there, yet,

But I have a feeling if we wanted to, if you wanted do, we can do this,

You and I together could walk past our daily sorrows of life, because,

As someone said, loving someone gives your strength while being loved by someone gives you courage,

I do not know why I have written this poem or why I am saying this,

Because I know we are very far from all this and I am not your type,

Nor am I capable to be with you, but I just felt like writing,

You should know you’re not the closest girl to me yet the only one I wanted to say this to…

You know I love flying, it gives me peace when I am above the clouds, and far from the world,

And it is easy for me to write what I feel when I am at peace with my heart,

I know you could get a better guy than me and I know you might disagree but this is the truth,

But still just know…I could be the star that lightens up your path,

I know too many expectations I am giving so I will just conclude with a quote I love,

If we get together, I am not saying you won’t have problems, but you won’t face them alone!!!

Champ!

That one moment..

I traveled this past weekend and as I sat alone on my last day having tea at the Aga Khan Academy watching the sun set, I wrote this poem:

It is that time of the day I love to capture,

But birds seem afraid of what’s to come,

I guess everyone hates darkness,

Then why don’t we fight for light?

Why do we give up the struggle so easily?

Anyways, behind the lens I have the power to hold a moment,

A moment that I can beg for but time will not return it,

But then again I ask myself, do I really have that power?

Does anyone have such a power?

Because a photo is not a moment but a memory of one,

And the greater the photo; the deeper the grief for the moment,

So today I really just want to pour my feelings on paper,

I don’t have anything specific to write about but share myself,

Share the pain of having an empty space besides me as I take my tea,

A space that I want the Almighty to fill up with someone but He doesn’t,

I want to tell you that regardless of how strong I am, pain gets to me too,

And it is such a moment I am feeling right now that I hate a lot,

A moment when it clicks you that you’re alone; how does the moon do it every night?

A moment when you don’t understand what your purpose here is,

A moment when you’re freedom hits you like a dagger in the heart,

Such a moment is really more painful than a broken heart,

Because at least when someone leaves you, you have certainty of them leaving,

But here it is all doubt and blurriness with absolutely no sign of rescue,

Amidst all this, I see a ray of hope; someone’s smile,

Someone I don’t know but would absolutely love to know,

So on this positive note, I can say that this moment will also fade,

Like all the painful moments I have been through; this too shall fade!!

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!

Music fills the gaps

“Music fills in the gaps that you left behind”

I pondered upon this thought just as I was about to write this article. I was reading some quotes on love and relationships and a few of them were very touching and so I stumbled upon the loneliness that I often manage to hide from the world and mostly from myself. Whenever though I touch that feeling it is very painful. You tend to reflect on life and what your purpose is, what you’re doing here, who is made for you, why you haven’t had someone who just loves you with all their heart yet you have been that someone for someone; and the absence of some of the answers to such questions devastates me. I read a quote on the notice board of my high school ‘don’t be too serious about life; no one gets out alive anyways’. I just wasn’t made for this quote. I take life seriously and I love reflecting upon issues that are otherwise not seen. That’s me yes!!

So, um finally, I have been granted my major wish/prayer; move out of Uganda. I finally have a job that takes me out of here, but am I happy? Of course I am because this is what I wanted but again I ask, am I happy? One of the saddest things for me is to see my mother weep; it’s intolerable. She is very happy for me and the opportunity that I have but a mother’s heart cannot bear that her only son is going away even though it is only a flights distance…yes, I have sort of began measuring distance in terms of flights because I am going to travel the entire world according to my mother and I will like to believe that. So yeah, just a flight away but too far indeed. My dad is one of the strongest characters I have met in my life but the last time I went far, he too shed tears on departure; a moment quite close to my heart. I will definitely miss them and there is no doubt about that but this step is necessary because life is quite practical unlike a lot of people today. I keep repeating this quote but it is so true and close to me: “…and there are people we can’t live without but must learn to let go.”

So I have written all this but what I really had thought was how music fills in the gaps in my life. Just as a song brings back memories, some take my mind away from darkness into light or in simple terms, distract me away from my memories.

I end with a quote that left me pondering, wondering and in thoughts:

"The person who cares least in the relationship has the most control."

Cheers!

Peace!

Champ!